


Los Angeles, I'm Yours

by JackEPeace



Category: Pitch Perfect (2012)
Genre: Gen, L.A.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-03-09
Packaged: 2017-12-04 18:44:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/713838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackEPeace/pseuds/JackEPeace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Beca figures that she's not so alone after all because everyone here is heading toward something or running away. She can't decide which one she's doing." Beca and Jesse's life in L.A.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So I Cut the Ties and I Jumped the Track For Never to Return

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Characters you know don't belong to me. The title comes from the song "Los Angeles I'm Yours" by The Decemberists and the title for this section comes from the song "I and Love and You" by the Avett Brothers.

There are three weeks left in Beca's senior year when she decides that she's had enough of Barden and is ready for the West Coast. That was always the plan after graduation anyway and as Beca hurries back to her dorm from her father's, fighting back angry and embarrassed tears, she's mad at herself for putting it off for this long. Because, honestly, this whole trying thing sucks. Sure the past four years haven't been all bad. She has friends she loves and Jesse is worth every pointless and dull hour she had to sit through in class. But now Beca knows that, in the end, no amount of trying is ever going to fix her relationship with her father. Having him tell her to her face that he still thinks producing music is a pipe dream and he'll only support her if she has a "real job" pretty much cemented her feelings toward him. And, more than anything, it just makes Beca want to prove him wrong.

And yeah, Beca knows that she could stick it out for three weeks. Three weeks of bullshit music theory classes and then she has a diploma. But the whole college thing was never her dream anyway. It was his. And she's done with his dreams.

Beca throws all the clothes that will fit into her duffle and crams in a few pictures, books and records too. Her equipment is packed with much more care and Beca feels like she did her first day at Barden: angry and ready to be somewhere else. Only now she's not afraid to put herself out there and has framed pictures of herself and the Bellas and Jesse to prove it.

Beca gives her room one last glance and sees how much of herself is still being left behind. But it's not the stuff she's leaving behind that makes her feel like crying again.

She lugs her stuff across campus and goes up to Jesse's floor, knocking on his door. It's barely past eleven but the floor is silent and she can't hear noise from the other side of his door. When Jesse opens the door, she can tell that he was already asleep and Beca has always loved the way that he looks after he wakes up, when his hair gets all crazy and his smile is slow and genuine.

Jesse starts to smile at her now but stops when he sees her duffle and the case that holds her computer and the rest of her equipment. "Beca…" Somehow he manages to put so much emotion into just that one word. It's a question and a plea rolled into one. It says please don't leave.

Beca's chin quivers despite her best efforts to keep her composure. "I have to go."

"What about graduation? And what we planned?" Jesse questions and he really wants to take her bags and make her stay.

Beca knows their plans so well she can recite them like a rosary. It's a year's worth of conversations rolled into one simple plan. She's lucky that she's found someone who will run away with her, who shares her dream of leaving everything behind for something bigger. But Jesse has never felt the desperation clawing at him the way that she has and Beca already knows that she will leave here alone tonight.

"Come with me." Beca says, trying to make it sound logical and simple. "Let's just go now."

"Beca…I need to graduate." Jesse says. He steps into the hallway, easing the door closed behind him. "I have to stay. You should stay too. You almost made it." He says this like part of him has always known that this conversation would come: the moment when she would leave.

Beca shakes her head. "I can't stay. I have to leave."

"What happened?" But Beca just shakes her head again and Jesse doesn't press. "Okay. So you'll go. It's only three weeks right? I mean, we've been apart longer than that before."

The way Beca feels right now is the reason she never wanted to be close to anyone. Because this hurts so badly that she almost can't breath and she doesn't want to go without him. But she can't stay and lose herself either. "Three weeks." She confirms.

Jesse steps forward and Beca goes to him, putting her face against his chest. It took a long time for her to get to the point where she would let him hold her when she needed it, when she finally decided that needing him didn't make her weak.

Jesse kisses the top of her head and holds her tight against him. "You can do this."

Beca can't believe how good it feels to have someone else believe in her.

_____________________________________

For the past three years, Beca has waited tables three days a week to save money for this moment. The moment when she would buy her one-way ticket to L.A. and say goodbye to the old life she never wanted. The fact that there are things she wants back at Barden complicates the way that she feels and Beca thinks, not for the first time, that things aren't simple anymore. Before there was just her music. It was all she needed to keep herself from feeling lonely. Now she wishes Jesse was sitting beside her, waiting to board. She wishes the Bellas had been there to see them off and even though the airport is bustling with people, she feels alone.

Her phone vibrates and Beca opens the text from Jesse. I miss you already.

Dork Beca types back but she's got a little smile on her face. She looks at her fellow passengers and figures that she's not so alone after all because everyone here is heading toward something or running away. She can't decide which one she's doing.

Beca takes the free soda and cookies offered by the flight attendant and wraps the complimentary blanket around her shoulders. They're showing some Woody Allen film as the in-flight movie and she knows Jesse would be beside himself at the thought of watching it but she falls asleep twenty minutes in.

When she wakes up again, she's in L.A. and Beca finally feels a surge of joy bloom in her chest. This is where she belongs, this is where she needs to be. It's almost strange, in a way, to be one of thousands, just one more person driven here by her dreams. Beca knows she's not the first person to stand outside LAX and swear that she's going to do exactly what she came here to do and she won't be the last either. That thought is oddly comforting.

Beca takes a taxi to a cheap motel and pays with cash, peeling more bills out of the envelope that she's been filling for three years. She and Jesse had planned to stay in a motel while apartment hunting and it had sounded much more glamorous when they planned it out together. The reality is a queen-sized bed in a small room with a small color TV, microwave and a dirty bathroom.

She puts down her suitcase and equipment and stands in the center of the room, staring at the off color walls. She doesn't know what to do now. The sounds of the city drift in through the dirty window but Beca can't hear anything past the rush of blood in her ears and the steady thump of her heart convincing her that she's made a mistake.

Beca knows it's ridiculous but she feels pissed at her dad all over again. If he hadn't kept her at Barden, she would already have her roots planted firmly in the ground. She wouldn't be second guessing herself. She'd be home.

She grabs her duffle and starts unpacking in a frenzy, suddenly desperate to inject herself into these four drab walls. Beca hangs her clothes in the closet and stacks her books and records on the small table holding the TV. When she picks up a picture of herself and Jesse taken last year after the ICCA championship, Beca finds her anger start to dissipate. The girl in the picture looks so sublimely happy, happier than Beca at eighteen ever would have imagined being. And Jesse looks happy too and even four years later, Beca can't get over the idea that she's the one that makes him happy.

Beca props the picture up against the lamp beside the bed and picks up her phone. Jesse answers after the first ring. "Hey Bec." He doesn't sound groggy at all.

She does a mental calculation in her head. "It's like five in the morning." She lays down on the bed, propping herself against the headboard. "You sound wide awake."

"I couldn't sleep until I knew that you weren't sold into slavery or something." Jesse tells her. "I've been marathoning Christopher Nolan movies."

Beca smiles into the empty room. "What a weirdo." She teases. "Well, you can rest easy. I'm living the dream in a seedy motel."

"Are there lots of truckers? Please tell me you witnessed a drug bust."

"I hate to burst your bubble but I've only been here for like thirty minutes." Beca tells him. "I haven't had time to investigate the seedy underbelly of the city."

Jesse clucks his tongue at her. "That's not the Beca Mitchell I know."

They make small talk for a while before Beca starts yawning and Jesse teases her for falling asleep on him. Beca promises to call later in the day, when the sun has risen on the City of Angels and she's had a chance to see more than just her cheap motel room. They both hesitate before hanging up and the room is filled with silence once more. Beca has always been the type of person who values her independence and has never been the type to always long for company. But that doesn't mean she doesn't miss Jesse. Four years is a long time to see someone on an almost daily basis and it's just a lot of change all at once. Beca rolls onto her side and stares at the wall, trying to remain confident and positive. Not lonely and scared. She falls asleep before she can convince herself to go back home.

______________________________________________

Beca spends the next three weeks trying to make L.A. her city. After nearly four years in a small college town, the crush of the crowds and the noise of the city are like a breath of fresh air. She finds several old record stores and pours over the vinyl selections for hours. She tries to weasel her way into meetings with night club managers during the day and goes to the clubs at night, listening to the DJs and trying to find someone who knows anything about hiring a DJ. Spending her nights in a club isn't awful and she even lets a few guys buy her drinks but she never dances with them and gives them fake names to call her by.

She gets a job at a coffee shop a few blocks from her seedy motel. The assistant manager, a young woman named Regina, seems relieved when she learns that Beca has experience and can start right away. During her breaks or lulls in customers, Beca flips through the apartment listings in the local paper and gets a thrill when she thinks about living in one of these places with Jesse.

Beca spends most of her free time working on new tracks to send to different labels, clubs and radio stations. She sends a post card to Fat Amy and the rest of the Bellas back at Barden. She manages to avoid apologizing for leaving without saying goodbye, instead keeping her sentences short and generic. She also sends a postcard to Chloe, who's still living in Atlanta and Aubrey, who runs her own dance studio in Charleston. And, of course, she sends postcards to Jesse and Benji. The messages are short and a little impersonal but their daily phone conversations are not. Beca never knew you could waste so much time just laughing with someone and talking about nothing.

Beca tells Jesse about her job at the coffee shop and sends him tracks off her new mixes. Jesse tells Beca about his upcoming finals and the aca-amazing goodbye seniors parties that the various a capella groups are throwing. Jesse agrees to pack up the rest of her stuff and either bring it to L.A. or ship it back to her mom. Beca agrees to call her dad and attempt to make amends just because Jesse suggests it but they both know that she won't actually make the call. And she doesn't. She's too busy staying busy so she won't miss Barden.

On the day Jesse texts her a picture of him posing in his graduation gown with his diploma, Beca is so happy she nearly cries. And not because she's proud of him, even though she is, of course, but because three long weeks are finally over and L.A. can finally, finally feel like home.

It takes another week for Jesse to actually make it to L.A. He loads his stuff and Beca's into his car and heads across the country, sending her funny pictures along his way.

When he finally makes it to Beca's sleazy home-away-from-home, she flies into his arms and he holds onto her like he fears the second he lets go he'll lose her again. It scares Beca how happy she is to see him because she knows the danger of wanting something or someone too badly. But she doesn't think about that as they undress each other and fall into bed in a tangle of limbs. Later, Beca curls herself against Jesse as he sleeps and his arm slides around her on reflex. She thinks that Jesse is the type of person who doesn't know how to hurt someone and she prays that she's right.

They spend most of that first day in bed and Beca can't complain. Jesse cards his fingers through her hair and she gets reacquainted with the feel of his skin and the sensation of not being alone anymore. It's strange to hear her voice spoken aloud in this dingy room.

As the sun starts to set, they finally get dressed and walk hand-in-hand to a twenty-four hour diner down the street. Beca points out various places as they go, showing Jesse the L.A. that she has discovered: the coffee shop where she works, the record store where she found an Of Monsters and Men vinyl, a night club where she actually managed to talk to a manager for five seconds. The energy of the city hums around them and Beca feels like her limbo state is over and she can finally begin.

"I ran into your dad when I was packing your room." Jesse begins casually over his plate of scrambled eggs. Beca makes a noncommittal noise as she pops a fry into her mouth. "He seemed shocked to find me putting your stuff in boxes."

Beca reaches for the catsup and Jesse reaches out to stop her. "Bec," he says gently when she looks at him in surprise, "you never talked to him, did you? He had no idea that you were on the complete opposite side of the country for the past three weeks."

"No, I didn't talk to him." Beca retorts, pulling her hand away. "I didn't think he needed to know."

Jesse gives her a slightly disappointed look but if he's learned one thing during his relationship with her it's that talking about her father can turn her into someone that he's never seen before. He knows it's cowardly, but he still feels like the best thing to do in these situations is avoid them.

"Did you tell him where I was?" Beca questions after a minute, reaching for the catsup bottle again. Jesse nods and she gives him a little smile. "Good." She might not have done much during the time that she's been here, but at least she's here and she's happy that her dad knows that.

"You should call him." Jesse suggests. "So he doesn't worry."

Beca rolls her eyes. "I doubt he thinks about me that much."

Jesse shrugs because talking to Beca about this sort of thing is like talking to a brick wall, only worse because the bricks will fall down before Beca will budge. He reaches across the table and steals one of the fries off her plate, popping it into his mouth while she protests.

"Get your own!" Beca shoos his hand away but he manages to grab another fry anyway. "If you wanted some, you should have ordered dinner like a normal person."

"Well, what would be the fun in that?" Jesse questions, giving her an innocent smile before snatching more food off her plate. Beca grabs a piece of bacon off his plate and they engage in all out warfare until they receive dirty looks from their waitress and the few diners seated around them.

Even though they napped through most of the day, Jesse is still dragging his feet on the walk back to the motel, trying not to yawn as Beca tells him about the few apartments she found in the classifieds.

Beca uses Jesse's chest as a pillow when she lays down in bed beside him and he lets out a contented hum. She listens to the sound of him breathing in the darkness for a few minutes before she softly says, "I'm really glad you're here." It's not like she needed him or anything, but that doesn't change how she feels now that he's there beside her.

Jesse smiles and rests his cheek against the top of her head. "Me too."

Beca has the following day off work as well and she suggests that they start looking at apartments, because she's really tired of wondering if it's safe to shower without flip flops on and trying to decide whether or not her neighbors are cooking meth in their own grimy tub. But Jesse insists that they do all the regular touristy things as well, things that Beca never would have done in a million years. Of course he wants to see the Walk of Fame and of course he's one of those people who has to take his picture in front of certain stars and Beca gives up making fun of him after the fifth picture because it doesn't seem to be getting through to him. She just follows him around as he geeks out over this star or that landmark, laughing at how adorable his obsession makes him.

As Jesse stares up at Grauman's Chinese Theatre, he gets this weirdly calm look on his face that Beca has never seen before. He gives her a little smile when he notices her watching him. "We made it. We're really going to do this."

Beca can't help but grin back at him. "Yeah, we are."

_________________________________

They spend the next two weeks looking for the perfect apartment and finally settle on a one bedroom barely bigger than the motel they've been living in but the carpet is new and the bathroom is clean and as far as Beca can tell, the neighbors aren't dealing meth at night, so she considers it a step up. Unfortunately, neither she nor Jesse have much by the way of furniture and they have to make do with using a few plastic crates for tables and shelves but it's still their place and Beca could care less if it takes them a year to buy a couch because she's here in L.A. with Jesse and she's twenty-two and not everything is supposed to be perfect right away.

Even though they don't have much furniture, they have a decent amount of personal items between the two of them and their apartment definitely feels homey, if a bit sparse. One morning when Beca goes into the kitchen to make coffee before work, she looks around at their small living room and smaller kitchen and smiles because there's no mistaking the two people who share this space. Jesse's DVD collection is stacked so high next to the TV (which is on the floor) that it's in danger of falling over and her records are being used for temporary tables and temporary housing for the plant that Jesse saw at the local market and decided that they needed to have. Beca feels that familiar flutter in her stomach when she thinks about Jesse and she leaves the brewing coffee to go snuggle next to him for a few more minutes.

Jesse manages to find one of the few remaining movie rental stores in the world and get a job there. They try to work their schedules so they have to same days off and work close to the same hours but whenever Beca has to go in for an early shift, Jesse makes sure to swing by to get coffee on his way to work and if Jesse has to work late, Beca gets takeout and stands by the counter and eats with him. The manager of the store never minds if she brings enough food for him as well. Beca never would have thought that she'd actually find it interesting to stand around and listen to nerds talk about movies for hours but she has to admit that it's adorable when Jesse really gets going on a particular topic and his knowledge is impressive, though a little bit frightening.

The downside of Jesse working at a place where he's surrounded by movies all the time is that he has unlimited access to almost every film ever made and Tuesdays and Thursdays become official Movication nights. Sometimes he lets Beca roam the store and pick something that looks halfway interesting to her and she always selects something filled with nonstop action or violence, so Jesse becomes very well versed in D horror movies and ridiculous action films. But he can't complain because Beca laughs more through those than she does through any of the comedies he insists they watch and he loves her laugh, regardless of the source.

"Your boyfriend is so cute." Regina tells her one morning after Jesse leaves with his iced coffee and giant chocolate chip cookie. No matter how many times Beca teases him for eating that much sugar for breakfast, he still orders one every time he comes in to visit. "You're so lucky."

Normally that type of talk would have Beca gagging and rolling her eyes. But she does have to admit that, yeah, she is pretty lucky. She can't remember ever feeling so happy or content and even though she and Jesse have been dating for years, there's something different about sharing a space and waking up next to him in the morning and starting to learn some of the more secret sides to him. Not all of his habits are cute, but Beca's sure that Jesse can say the same about her so she tries to learn to live with them instead of letting them get under her skin.

One afternoon when Beca comes home from the coffee shop, Jesse surprises her with a real, honest to God table that she can put her equipment on and Beca wonders if it's weird to get so excited over a table. But it makes her look more official than just keeping her equipment on the kitchen counter did and Beca spends hours sitting on one of the overturned plastic crates mixing up different tracks.

She hasn't made as much headway with her career as she would have liked but she tells herself that that's to be expected to. She's had to get herself into a sort of routine and working as many hours as she can at the coffee shop is important because what good is having a table if there's no apartment to put it in? But Beca refuses to let herself believe that just because she's working in a coffee shop and not at a record studio or night club doesn't mean that she's never going to get the chance.

During one of her afternoons off, Beca spends hours putting together mixes to send out to various clubs and radio stations. She knows that she's not the only person out there doing this exact same thing, but she knows that if someone gives her music a chance and actually listens to her tracks that she'll stand out from the rest of the crowd. It's getting that chance that's the hard put.

Beca is still avoiding talking to her father, mainly because she doesn't have anything to say to him. The day that she gets a real job doing what she loves is the day that she returns his calls. If Jesse has anything to say about the way that she's continually sending her dad straight to voicemail, he doesn't voice his opinions, which Beca is grateful for. She knows that nothing she can say to him will make him understand how she feels toward her father. He talks to his parents at least once a week and as far as she can tell they're nothing but supportive of him and the fact that he's on the other side of the country trying to turn his dreams into a reality. Beca tries not to be jealous of Jesse's relationship with his parents, because she's never really had a great relationship with her mom or her dad but she can't help but wonder what it would feel like to be constantly getting those little pep talks.

Though Jesse definitely does not skimp when it comes to dishing out his own pep talks. One afternoon he comes home to find her sitting on the floor surrounded by several of the envelopes she had mailed out to various studios, all now marked return to sender and clearly unopened. He starts to offer up some sweet platitude but Beca gathers up the envelopes and unceremoniously dumps them in the trash. "It doesn't matter anyway." She says fiercely and goes into the bedroom before she does something stupid like start to cry.

Jesse follows her in and leans against the door frame, watching as she changes out of her work clothes and tosses her stained apron into the dirty clothes basket. She puts on a pair of his sweatpants and his old Barden sweatshirt, even though it's not exactly cold outside. Jesse knows her comfort clothes when he sees them.

"Am I making a big mistake?" Beca questions, turning to face him. "Am I just being an idiot? What if I really don't have what it takes?" Her father's words from months ago still echo loudly in her head.

Jesse scoffs and walks over toward her. "Are you kidding me? Beca Mitchell, you are by far the most talented person I know. You're amazing." He assures her, putting his arms around her waist. "And the Beca I know would never give up just because of one minor setback."

Beca bites her bottom lip and doesn't look convinced. "It's not exactly minor…"

"You're amazing." Jesse tells her again, even more forcefully than before. "You can do this. I know you can."

Somehow hearing those words from Jesse makes everything seem like a possibility again. And when she's taking her break at work the following day and pulls out the paperback she's been reading, she finds a note from Jesse tucked next to her bookmark, further words of encouragement scribbled in his messy boy handwriting. Beca doesn't even care if she's smiling like an idiot when she reads the note over and over again.

They pass the next several months in this way: spending their time largely with one another or Jesse's work friends or their downstairs neighbors, who came up one day to borrow a blender (which they didn't have) and ended up inviting them for homemade Mexican and non-blended margaritas. They don't have a lot of extra money to do stuff outside of pay bills and buy the necessities. There's a little flea market that's open on weekends and they slowly start adding to their furniture collection and finally have more than a few pieces of silverware. There's also a farmer's market that's open every day a block away from their apartment and Beca and Jesse take turns buying fresh food to cook dinner a few nights a week, when they don't just eat takeout or frozen pizza.

For Jesse's birthday, Beca surprises him with tickets to a John Hughes movie marathon at some retro theatre and she does her best to stay awake and interested through the whole thing. She takes him out to dinner afterwards and that night when they're lying in bed together, he tells her that this is probably the best birthday he's ever had, except for maybe the Star Wars themed party he'd had as a kid, which would be pretty hard to compete with.

Jesse starts trying to make connections with the studios in the area, trying to weasel his way into their good graces and start actually doing what he came out here to do. Sometimes Beca forgets that Jesse didn't just follow her out here and that his life's dream isn't to work at a video store, as enthusiastic as he is about it. Sometimes she worries that she's not as supportive of his goals as he is of hers, mostly because he doesn't seem to talk about them the way that she does. Not that that's an excuse and Beca knows it. She's made a lot of headway when it comes to her personal relationships, but she could definitely still be a more attentive girlfriend.

If they have the following day off, Beca and Jesse hop from night club to night club as Beca continues to try and gain herself an audience with at least one of the managers. Most of the time she can't even get a straight answer on who the manager is and when she can come back to talk to him, so the outings are mainly a bust but they still get to lose themselves in the crush of people and the thumping of the music and the bass lines. These evenings always leave her energized and she spends hours sitting at her computer and putting her own playlists together. Making the music is easy, proving that she's got what it takes to do it for a living is where it gets tricky.

Before they realize it, it's Thanksgiving and Beca's ignoring at least one call a day from her father and Jesse's parents are trying to guilt them into coming home for the holiday. Beca can tell that Jesse misses his family and that being away from home, especially now, is hard for him. She might not understand how he's feeling, but she can tell that it's bothering him and she wishes that they had the money to fly out there or even make the drive.

They try to have a traditional Thanksgiving dinner in their cramped apartment but neither of them really know the first thing about cooking a turkey so they end up down at their neighbor's apartment eating Chinese takeout and playing board games. That night, Beca apologizes to Jesse for their non-traditional holiday. "I know that you really miss your family."

Jesse gives her a smile and kisses the side of her neck. "I do. But I have you." He always makes it sound so simple when he says stuff like that.

__________________________________________________________

Even with the approaching holiday season, the coffee shop starts cutting back on hours and for the first time, Beca starts to worry that they're not going to be able to pull enough money together for their apartment and the rest of their expenses. It's not exactly like L.A. is a cheap place to live and they're both still working minimum wage jobs instead of doing the type of work they'd come out here to do. Beca isn't sure where to direct the anger that she suddenly feels; if she should point it outward toward her shitty manager or the labels who won't give her a chance or direct it toward herself, for thinking that this whole thing would somehow be easy. Like she could just show up in L.A. and everyone would breathe a collective sigh of relief at her arrival. In a city of millions, no one cares that she's there at all. There's only one person who would notice if she just disappeared one day and Beca used to take a weird sort of comfort in the anonymity but now she finds it annoying and stifling. How is she supposed to make something of herself when no one cares?

Beca has never been a people person but she takes a job in retail to make up for the lack of shifts at the coffee shop. She's selling expensive lotions and expensive candles in one of the types of stores she never would have set foot in otherwise. Her manager is a short, permanently cheerful woman that reminds Beca a little of Aubrey because of her fierce, single-mindedness and her insistence that everything be done a specific way. Not surprisingly, Beca doesn't exactly follow the rules to a T but she knows how to efficiently use a register and can lift and carry boxes, so her manager keeps her around anyway. Beca hates coming home tired every day after dealing with asshole customers who get way too worked up over bottles of lotion but Jesse is always there to make her smile and help her relax. The fact that she now smells like so many different fragrances also seems to have made her even more desirable to him and Beca definitely has no complaints there.

Working in retail definitely does not put Beca in the Christmas spirit, not that she's ever gone crazy over the holidays anyway but this year she just wants it all to be over. Even the festive decorations that her neighbors have put up on their doors and balconies annoy her. She comes home one afternoon to find that Jesse has put a small, fake tree on their kitchen counter and hung a wreath on their door. She's only mildly annoyed by the fact that Christmas has snuck into her home in spite of her best efforts to keep it out because the gesture is just so Jesse that she honestly can't be that mad. And at least the tree isn't some giant monstrosity that will shed needles all over the carpet that they'll have to pick up by hand since they don't own a vacuum cleaner.

Since Beca has started working two jobs, their schedules are harder to match up so Jesse is used to closing up the shop by himself and walking home alone to find Beca already asleep, curled on his side of the bed. It's not ideal, but he tells himself it's just temporary. He's been looking for another job, one that has more solid hours and pays better so that they'll have more time together. He's also been sending what feels like a million e-mails a day, begging someone to take him on as an intern or minimum wage paid assistant so he can at least get his foot in the door of some studio. His luck hasn't been any better than Beca's so far, but that hasn't reduced his determination. Jesse keeps telling himself that things will be better as soon as one of them finally gets started down their career path.

While walking home one night, he gets a call from his mother, which is a surprise given the time difference. "Mom, is everything okay?"

"Yes, honey, of course." She says this like she can't imagine why he's concerned about the fact that she's calling at midnight her time. "Your father and I have just been doing a lot of talking and we'd really, really love it if you would come home for Christmas. It just won't be the same without you." Jesse starts to protest, feeling the guilt creeping in. "We'll pay for your ticket."

That takes him by surprise. "Really? You'd pay for Beca and I to-"

"Well, that's the thing, honey. The ticket isn't exactly cheap. We'd buy your ticket." His mother interrupts before Jesse can get his spirits too high.

"I can't do that, Mom." Jesse tells her. "I can't leave Beca alone on Christmas."

Even though his mom is thousands of miles away, Jesse can feel her disappointment. "I'm sure she'd understand." She assures him. "Beca has always been very independent."

Jesse hates this little moments, the simple sentences that somehow always manage to imply that Beca doesn't need him as much as he needs her. Even though he knows that his parents love Beca and are happy that he's happy, they never fail to insinuate that there's that distance between them, that little part of Beca that would enable her to be okay on her own. Jesse knows that his parents aren't even aware that they do this, but it still annoys him. Mostly because he can't help but worry if it's true.

"Thanks for the offer, Mom, but I really can't." Jesse tells her as he walks into the lobby of their complex. "It's our first Christmas in the city."

His mom sighs and Jesse feels guilty all over again. He's never been away from his parents for any major holidays, let alone two in one year. But he's growing up now and he's making his own family here with Beca in the city. "It won't be the same without you."

"We'll visit soon." Jesse assures her as he starts up the flight of stairs leading to his apartment on the fourth floor. Yeah, there's no elevator and every time he has to walk up the stairs he's glad they don't have any furniture to move. "I promise."

When he lets himself into the apartment, it's dark save for the lights glittering on the tiny tree. Beca is in fact sleeping on his side of the bed with her knees drawn up to her chest and a fist balled under her chin. He loves the crazy positions that she sleeps in because it makes it easy to imagine her as a kid, before she started closing herself off from the world.

Jesse changes and brushes his teeth and slips into bed behind her, putting his arms around her waist and drawing her to him. Normally he tries to avoid waking her up because he knows she has to get up early but tonight he wants to hear her voice and hold onto her. He wants to be reminded of why he's here, thousands of miles away from everything he's known for the majority of his life and telling his parents why he can't see them for Christmas.

Beca stirs and stretches, languidly like a cat without moving out of his arms. Her feet are cold when they press against his calves. She twists so they're face to face and she has a sleepy smile on her face. "Hi. How was work?"

"Fine." Jesse assures her, kissing her forehead. "Sorry to wake you."

"No you're not." But she doesn't seem to mind. She looks at him for a moment before questioning, "What's the matter?"

Jesse knows that he must wear some of the residual guilt from his conversation with his mother on his face. But he just shakes his head and smiles at her. "Nothing." He assures her. It's these little things, the moments when she notices that something is bothering him that make Jesse think that maybe everyone is wrong, that they need each other equally and she cares about him more than her music or her ambitions. Jesse doesn't mind celebrating those little things.

Beca kisses him and slips her cold hands underneath his shirt and they make love lazily and quietly with the ever present sounds of the city providing the soundtrack. When she falls asleep again laying against his chest, Jesse decides not to tell her about his conversation with his mother. He knows that Beca would insist he take his parents up on their offer and a part of him even wants to hear those words, to have her tell him that it's okay to go. He's a little surprised to find that there's a part of him that wants to stay here, with her, more than it wants to go to his childhood home and enjoy the traditions of his youth.

Later in the week, his parents send them a Christmas card that comes with a picture of the family dogs all wearing Santa hats and a gift card to a local restaurant and a check that Jesse almost thinks about not cashing because it's way too much money but it's not exactly like they don't have stuff they could spend it on. Beca's been joking that they'll be celebrating Christmas just like Baby Jesus did: shivering in the night because they won't be able to pay their utilities bill. Now they can. God bless us everyone.

They also get a Christmas card from Aubrey; it's a generic Happy Holidays from the Aubrey Posen Dance Studio one but she's included a lengthy handwritten letter to both of them. Beca is a little surprised that Aubrey not only took the time to get their address from Chloe but also sat down and wrote a letter. It seems genuine when she tells Beca how proud she is that she's out in L.A., living her dreams and Beca is glad that Aubrey doesn't know that she's working two minimum wage jobs and hasn't had time to work on her music for the past few weeks.

Beca decides that she's going to make more of an effort keeping in touch with her old friends from Barden. It's like she's been living in a bubble that only consists of her and Jesse and while she doesn't have many complaints, it's still nice to be reminded that there are other people out there who care about her. As crazy as that thought is, since Beca has made her way through life by keeping everyone at a distance.

All Beca wants for Christmas is to sleep in and it's nice not to have to set an alarm or get up and rush somewhere. Jesse makes blueberry pancakes and they eat in bed, watching A Christmas Story on his laptop because "it's tradition, Bec, duh!" They don't exchange gifts that year because, short of pulling some sort of Gift of the Magi stunt, there was no money for gift-giving. But Beca doesn't mind because she's never cared about that sort of stuff anyway. She has Jesse and she has L.A. and honestly, that's enough. And for Jesse, just getting to spend the day with her without any interruptions is the perfect day in his opinion.

Around noon, Jesse's parents call and he spends almost half an hour talking to them while Beca sits at her laptop for the first time since she started working at the evil lotion store and loses herself in the music. She feels like herself when she has her headphones on, picking apart different songs and stitching them together to make something entirely different. At some point, Jesse taps her on the shoulder and when she turns to look at him, he holds up her phone and she sees her dad's number flashing on the caller ID. She declines the call and he gives her a slightly disappointed look that Beca pretends not to notice. Later when she listens to the voicemail that her father left, she deletes it shortly after he wishes her a Merry Christmas and asks her to call him back. She still has nothing to say to him and until she can prove him wrong she'll keep dodging his calls.

They spend New Year's Eve with their friends from several floors down and what starts out as an evening in eventually turns into hitting up a few local bars and counting down to midnight with about a hundred other Los Angeles inhabitants. Beca and Jesse stumble back to their apartment sometime around three in the morning and collapse in a heap on their bed. The following morning, Beca wakes up with the worst hangover she's had since her sophomore year of college and like many drinkers before her swears that she's never going to touch another sip of alcohol again. But even hung-over Beca knows that's a lie.

TBC


	2. It Usually Doesn't Rain in Southern California, Much Like Arizona

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title for this section comes from the song "Thinking About You" by Frank Ocean

The end of the holiday season sees Beca unceremoniously let go from lotion hell and it's back to begging for hours at the coffee shop. Jesse is still trying to find another job and his inquiries to various agencies and studios are proving to be less than fruitful than he'd hoped. Beca's luck isn't much better and she's given up keeping track of how many returned letters she gets and how many times she hears "sorry we're just not interested" in a week. So far, being in L.A. is a lot like being in Barden: she's still waiting for something great to happen. Only it's a lot more expensive and, aside from playing house with Jesse, a lot less fun.

One afternoon Beca gets a text from Jesse that simply reads meet me on the street. Now and she practically flies out of the apartment and down several flights to stairs, unable to decide if he's in some kind of trouble or just worked up over some sort of nerd thing. It turns out that one of the residents of a neighboring apartment complex has recently been arrested for trafficking drugs and illegal immigrants and the landlord is throwing all his shit out onto the street. It's pretty much a free-for-all because if there's one thing that people love it's the possessions of a drug dealing trafficker, especially if they're free and Beca ends up guarding a pile of stuff from the other onlookers while Jesse rounds up some of their neighbors to help them move their brand new (well, used. By drug addicts) couch up to their apartment. By the end of the day they have a couch, a coffee table and a book shelf with only one missing shelf and a few spots that look suspiciously like scorch marks. "Is it sad that we're this excited about owning a drug dealer's furniture?" Jesse questions as they survey their now modestly furnished apartment.

Beca shrugs. "I think the sad thing is that the drug dealer has nicer furniture than we do."

Around this time, Beca starts e-mailing Chloe on a regular basis. It's easier to keep up with the red-head's novella like e-mails now that she only has one job to get to and not a lot of progress on the music producing front. Chloe mentions something about wanting to quit her shitty waitressing job and dump her shitty boyfriend and start over and maybe move out to California and become an actress or something equally as glamorous and Beca writes back an enthusiastic response and the next thing she knows she's trying to casually mention to Jesse over Chinese takeout that, "So I kind of sort of told Chloe she could come stay on our couch for a while." Not that Jesse minds, he's always been the "more the merrier" type anyway and at least they finally have a couch that Chloe can sleep on.

Beca celebrates her birthday at the end of the month and Jesse convinces her that she needs to take the day off, even though she's a) not a birthday person and b) can't really afford to have any days off. But she's getting really bad at standing her ground when he grins at her and seems all puppy-dog excited about something. He brings her breakfast in bed and when they finally manage to actually leave the bedroom, they go to Venice Beach, which is somewhere Jesse had been wanting to go since arriving in the city but had somehow not found the time for.

They spend hours people watching and looking at all the various wares for sale and listening to the street performers. Beca keeps her fingers twined with Jesse's as the walk along and she's happy and trying not to feel self-conscious about it. She's had this fear since she was a little girl that if she was super happy about something, it would just cease to exist. So far, that fear has proved to be pretty founded: her perfect family crumbled, her relationships with her parents have fallen apart. She knows now that those things were inevitable, not some sort of fate or destiny brought about by her happiness but she still worries sometimes that she's the poison in her own life. Beca has even tried to temper her desire to become a successful producer in hopes that the less she wants it, the easier it will be to achieve. She worries that her relationship with Jesse is headed down the same dangerous path all because she can't keep from feeling happy or wanting to be with him but it's becoming harder and harder to keep him at a distance and she doesn't want to anyway. So she spends the day smiling at his dorky enthusiasm and being near him as they enjoy the sunshine and a day of not worrying about money and bills and what's actually going with their lives. Beca can't remember the last time she felt so happy.

That night they use the gift card his parents sent for Christmas to go out to dinner and they even share a bottle of wine because Jesse seems to think that nothing is worth celebrating quite like her birthday. "I'm proud of you, Beca." Jesse tells her on the walk back to their apartment. "You're amazing. I love you." He says this easily and in a way that lets her know that he's not expecting a response and that he doesn't need one anyway. He loves her and he knows that she loves him too, even if the words never leave her mouth. Beca has always been an actions speak louder than words type person anyway.

Beca smiles up at him and bumps his hip with hers. "Dork." Jesse's pretty sure that's Beca Mitchell for "I love you too weirdo."

___________________________________

Money starts getting tighter now that they're down to one minimum wage job apiece and Beca starts trying to work the night shifts so she can take home the coffee shop's pastries and paninis at the end of the night so they can eat something other than ramen noodles and soup. Whenever he's not working at the video store, Jesse is trying to find another job and Beca is constantly searching the classifieds when she's not dealing with a customer at work. The pickings are slim and they've started to come up with some really creative ways to cook ramen.

Jesse gets sick sometime around Valentines Day and even though Beca has never really been the maternal type, she doctors him as best as she can, heating up chicken noodle soup and providing him with company whenever he's not dozing. She doesn't think she's ever watched so many movies in such a short period of time.

Jesse is still recovering from his bout with the flu when Beca rushes into their bedroom one afternoon and does an uncharacteristic victory dance when she announces that she got a job as a hostess at a restaurant two blocks from their apartment. Jesse grins and congratulates her but he can't help but think about how he'd hoped to see a similar display of excitement when Beca had finally found someone who appreciated her talent and wanted to hire her as a producer or DJ. He tries not be too depressed by this, seeing as it's barely been a year and they still have plenty of time to turn everything around and start living their dreams. After all, nothing worth having comes without a little bit of work. Or, in their case it seems, a lot of work.

Chloe arrives in L.A. the same week that Beca starts her hostess job so when she comes home from work, she finds her friend already making herself at home in the apartment. Chloe squeals when she sees her and hugs Beca tight enough to drive the breath out of her lungs and Beca has to admit that she's pretty happy to see her old friend. She'd always felt close to Chloe because she was pretty much the only person in the Bellas that didn't think she was a complete fuck up and she regrets that she hasn't seen the girl in years because keeping in touch through a few e-mails here and there is definitely not the best way to sustain a friendship.

Chloe looks the same as always, still fresh-faced and overly enthusiastic and still chattering a mile a minute. She orders takeout as a thank-you for letting her crash at their place and if she notices the way that Jesse and Beca scarf down their food she doesn't say anything about it. And, to be honest, she probably doesn't notice at all because she's too busy telling them all about her life since Barden; about the trio of deadbeat guys that she's dated and how she just hasn't found her niche. "When I heard that you guys where in L.A., it was like something clicked." Chloe tells them. "It was like there was a little voice inside my head telling me that was where I had to go. I've always thought about acting, maybe on stage or something where I could sing too but now that my singing days are behind me, I think I could definitely be on a television show. Or something like that." She shrugs and continues to dig into her chicken fried rice. "And then when you guys said I could stay on your couch for a little bit, it all seemed to fall into place."

"Well, don't thank us just yet." Jesse remarks. "The couch used to belong to a drug dealer." Chloe laughs like she's not entirely sure that he's kidding.

Having Chloe around is like having a tiny ray of sunshine following you every second of your day. Beca isn't sure how someone can always be that chipper, especially considering the fact that Chloe is unemployed without any real plan and sleeping on a drug dealer's old couch. But, then again, that's Chloe for you. When Jesse and Beca are at work and Chloe's left to her own devices, she power cleans everything, including the bathroom that is now shared by three people. She alphabetizes Jesse's DVDs and arranges Beca's records by artist and even remembers to water the plant that is somehow still clinging to life. Their empty refrigerator is spotless and Beca is certain there's not a speck of dust anywhere in the apartment.

"We should keep her around." Jesse remarks when they come home one night to find that Chloe has done and folded all the laundry.

"It's like we're living with Cinderella or something." Beca says, but she can't figure out if that's a bad thing or not. Not that minds clean laundry or any type of cleaning that she doesn't have to do herself.

Two weeks after she takes up temporary residence in the living room, Chloe comes home informing them that she's got an audition for some new TV show that one of the big networks wants to start up in the fall. Beca can't help but feel a stab of jealously even as she gives Chloe a big, congratulatory hug. She's been in L.A. for nearly a year and no one has even bothered to bat an eyelash. Chloe blows in like a hurricane and two weeks later might have a job. She feels like she's entitled to a little bit of jealousy.

Beca feels a little like a bitch when she mentions this to Jesse later that night; her voice is low so Chloe can't overhear through the paper thin walls and she won't look him in the eye as she admits this, like she knows that she's being stupid. But Jesse doesn't seem to think she's being ridiculous and kisses the crown of her head as his hand lazily traces the tattoo on her shoulder blade. "Your time will come." He assures her.

"You sound like a fortune cookie." Beca informs him but she tries to take his words to heart anyway. As long as he still believes that she's capable of making something of her life, then she feels like she can actually do it. Having Jesse in her corner is a powerful motivator.

Not surprisingly, Chloe makes more friends during her first month in L.A. than Beca and Jesse have made during the entire time they've been there. Their only friends in the complex quickly adopt Chloe like they've been waiting their entire lives to have the bubbly red-head in their friend group. Beca and Jesse don't mind when Chloe is off painting the town with her new friends because it gives them a little bit of alone time, even if that alone time really just consists of them trying to come up with creative ways to cook ramen. "This is how we should make our living," Jesse remarks one evening, pointing to package of ramen on the counter, "a ramen noodle cookbook. We'd make millions. It would be a hit with every college student in the world."

One evening Chloe informs them that they're going to be joining Tess and Charlie (the downstairs neighbors) and all of their friends at Paradise Bar and Grille for the weekly karaoke contest. "You guys would kill it. Come on." She grabs Beca's hand and practically starts dragging her toward the door. "I'm not taking no for an answer."

Apparently Wednesday night karaoke is something that all of Chloe's new friends do on a weekly basis and even though none of them ever win the cash prize, they still keep going back week after week. The drinks are cheap and it seems like humiliation is all part of the fun. Chloe manages to convince Jesse to sign up and he drags Beca on stage with him and they sing "Cruisin'" by Smokey Robinson and Beca is pretty proud of their performance, even if they are a little rusty from their a capella days. They even manage to win first prize, which is enough house cash to pay for several rounds of margaritas, which go straight to Beca's head. Tomorrow morning she'll probably be making the same promise to never drink again but tonight she could care less.

After the karaoke competition is over, the DJ opens the floor to anyone who wants to sing without the pressure of having to win a prize and since it's later in the night and most people have been enjoying the Wednesday alcohol specials, there's no shortage of people who want to sign up. Beca even lets Chloe talk her into singing again and she stumbles her way through a rendition of Lana del Rey's "Off to the Races," which earns her boisterous applause and wolf whistles even though she keeps forgetting the words and starts laughing. Jesse serenades her with "Sweet Caroline" and together they sing Johnny and June Cash's "Jackson." Beca is dead tired by the time they get back to the apartment, but blissfully happy and working two jobs and eating ramen noodles pretty much every night doesn't even seem so bad. Chloe somehow ends up in bed with them and in the morning when Beca wakes up hung-over and sandwiched in-between Jesse and Chloe she doesn't even mind so much. She does mind the pounding headache and the feeling like she's going to throw up any second but it's all par for the course.

__________________________________________

Chloe's first audition goes well and she seems pretty confident in the fact that all of her dreams are about to come true. Beca decides to stop being jealous of her friend's potential success and use it for motivation instead. Even when she comes home after work exhausted with aching feet, Beca makes herself work on some new mixes and is surprised to find that time quickly gets away from her. Jesse has woken up several times in the middle of the night to find the mattress beside him is empty and has to drag her away from her computer so she can get a little sleep. He might complain about falling asleep alone but he really doesn't mind that much because it's good to see Beca passionate about her music again. He keeps telling himself that things will get better, that they're going to make it here after all and when he sees that single-minded determination on her face he believes his own pep talks.

Beca keeps sending CDs of her mixes to local studios, radio stations and clubs, figuring that someone is eventually going to get tired of receiving the packages and see what all the fuss is about. She knows that she's good. She just needs one other person to hear her mixes and think the same thing. She doesn't have a problem with getting a shitty job and paying her dues while making the right connections but right now she can't even get a job making coffee for the assistant of the manager. She tries not to let it get to her when she comes home to find more return to sender packages in her mailbox.

The restaurant Beca has been working at offers her a position as a server and Beca quits her job at the coffee shop in order to free up her availability. It forces her to plaster on her fake smile more than she's used to but she'll do it if it'll convince tourists to tip her more than fifteen percent. Even with the little bit of extra money that Beca is making, things are still tight and don't look like they're going to be getting any better anytime soon. Jesse is tired of looking at their bills and trying to figure out where the money is going to come from. He's tired of eating ramen noodles and he's tired of watching Beca work so much while he's twiddling his thumbs at the video store and circling ads in the classifieds. He knows it's an old-fashioned way of thinking and Beca would probably kill him if she knew his thoughts on the subject but Jesse can't help but feel like he should be doing more to support them; he's the man in the relationship, after all, and while he doesn't think there's anything wrong with both of them working, he feels like he should be doing more to ensure they have the things that they need. He wants to take care of her. He's still happy that he came to L.A. and he's sublimely happy to be living with Beca but everything is just frustrating. Finding Beca asleep on her feet leaning against the refrigerator is frustrating. Not being able to find anyone who will even take him on as a poorly paid intern is frustrating. Waiting for their dreams to come true is frustrating.

Jesse makes the mistake of mentioning this frustration to his dad one day when they're on the phone and his father offers him a job with his construction company without a second thought. "It's good money and a steady schedule. You and Beca could even stay in the guest house until you get on your feet. The spot is yours if you want it."

His dad makes it all sound so easy and for a minute Jesse daydreams about taking his dad up on his offer. It's been a year since they left Barden and he feels like they've made a valiant effort to make L.A. work for them. No one could ever say that they just let their ambition pass them by. He could work a steady job and Beca could work for a local radio station and they could have their own house and furniture that didn't come from a drug dealer and they could actually go out to eat and have things in their cabinets that weren't sold in bulk and didn't taste like cardboard. It would be nice, maybe a little humdrum but he'd have Beca and she'd always make things interesting.

Jesse knows that Beca would never go for that kind of life. It would smother her and Jesse thinks that in the end it might smother him too. Because he doesn't want to work for his dad's company and he doesn't want to live in a suburb and go see movies on the weekend and live a nine-to-five life. He wants the unpredictability that comes with living in the city and living with Beca and he doesn't just want to see movies, he wants to be a part of them and he doesn't want Beca's music to become nothing more than a hobby for her. "No, Dad, it's okay." He tells him after a beat of silence. "I think we can make it. Things are just rough right now."

His dad sounds almost disappointed. "Well, the offer's there if you want it." Jesse appreciates it, he really does but he knows they can make it. They can do this. They have to.

Jesse doesn't mention anything about his conversation to Beca when he sees her later that night. She's working at her computer while Chloe lounges on their couch painting her toenails and this is the only life Jesse can imagine living. It's not ideal, but it's not horrible either and until the city breaks them he's not going to give up.

Jesse gets promoted to assistant manager at the video store when the other guy leaves to follow his crazy hippie girlfriend on her journey of self-discovery. The promotion doesn't mean much for Jesse except a fifty cent raise and the ability to make his own schedule. Not that that power means anything because no matter how he puts the schedule together, Beca is still working so much that he almost never sees her and when he does, she's either sitting at her computer with her headphones on or asleep. He hates seeing her dead on her feet after working the lunch and dinner shift, especially since they never seem to have anything to show for their constant working. He knows that she's tired, which is why he tries not to wake her up just to talk about his relatively boring day if he comes home to find her asleep but he can't help but feel a little bit lonely. He misses nonsensical conversations with her; he misses saying something that catches her by surprise and makes her laugh despite her attempt to always be so cynical; he misses shopping at the local farmer's market with her and forcing her to watch movies with him. He even misses being suckered into watching her campy horror films. But Jesse keeps telling himself that things will get better, they just have to make it through these few bumps in the road.

Beca finally gets an official rejection letter instead of just a returned package and she puts it up on the fridge because she feels like it's progress. "That means that someone took the time to at least look at my name and write down my address." She points out, being very stiff-upper-lippy about the whole thing. "Progress."

Later that night, Jesse comes up behind her when she's washing her face before bed and slips his arms around her waist and buries his face against the side of her neck. He feels like he knows her well enough to sense when her façade is crumbling and watching her dismiss her rejection letter earlier that afternoon definitely showed him her cracks. She smiles but ignores his cuddling as she dries off her face. "You can do this Bec." He whispers against her neck and Beca shivers at the feeling of his breath and lips against her skin. "You're going to make it."

Beca twists around so they're face to face and she puts her hands on his hips. "How do you know?"

"Because I know you. When you see something you want, you don't let anything get in your way." Jesse assures her. "I know things suck right now. But they're going to get better. I know they're going to get better. It has to."

Beca frowns and moves away from him, heading toward the bedroom. "This isn't one of your movies, Jesse. We're not entitled to a happy ending." She points out petulantly, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Jesse comes and sits down beside her. "I know it's not a movie. And I know that one day things aren't just going to become all perfect and everything isn't just going to work out overnight but I do honestly believe that things will get better. Things will work out. Otherwise what's the point?"

Beca is silent for a moment, staring off at some spot on the wall that Jesse can't pick out. "Maybe there is no point."

"Don't give up, Bec." Jesse strokes her head and she folds against him on reflex, resting her forehead against his chest and he puts his arm around her.

Jesse thinks about the promise that he made to himself two weeks ago when he was on the phone with his dad: as soon as they started to break, they would leave. He can't help but wonder if this is the beginning of the end, if the city is going to finally be the thing that destroys the fire in Beca. He doesn't know what the right thing to do is, whether he owes it to Beca to keep sticking it out or if the right thing to do would be to drag her back home before they both become too broken to remember how to start over.

Beca kisses him and gives him a weak smile and doesn't say anything more about it. She curls around him like a comma in her sleep and when Jesse wakes up the following more before she does, he almost doesn't want to get up and change the position they're currently in. He's never been the little spoon in the equation before and he finds it pretty adorable that all five feet of Beca is pressed against his back with her hands around his waist. Jesse figures that no one will notice if he's a few minutes late to work that morning, especially if it means that he can spend a few more minutes feeling Beca's heart beat against his back and feel her breath against his skin. Life is all about the little things, after all.


	3. It Goes Like This: the Fourth, the Fifth, the Minor Fall, the Major Lift, the Baffled King Composing Hallelujah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title comes from the song "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley/Rufus Wainwright/etc.

Jesse's reshelving movies one afternoon when his manager decides they're closing the store early today because it's a perfect and beautiful day outside and no one is going to come in and rent a video because no one gives a shit about renting movies anymore. Jesse doesn't really complain because he's pretty much been making work for himself for the past two hours and it is a really nice day and maybe he can convince Beca to cut out early and they can go with Chloe down to Venice Beach or do something else that doesn't involve work. He's pretty sure that Chloe's second audition was this morning anyway, so they might have something to celebrate.

He texts Beca as he lets himself into the apartment and finds Chloe balled up on the couch sobbing into her pillow. She looks up at him like a deer in the headlights before quickly sitting up and wiping at her eyes, which are swollen with tears. "I…I…thought you were wo-working." She chokes out, still trying in vein to wipe at her cheeks.

Jesse sits down on the couch beside her, putting a hand on the small of her back. "What happened Chloe?" He's never seen the red-head so much as frown, let alone in the middle of a complete and total breakdown.

Chloe only starts crying harder and covers her face with her hands, like that can somehow hide her from him. Her clothes are rumpled and askew and Jesse wonders how long she's been sitting here like this, sobbing her heart out in an empty apartment. He continues rubbing circles on her back, making soothing sounds every so often, not bothering to try to engage her in conversation again. Chloe leans against his shoulder and continues to cry, her entire body shaking so hard that Jesse sincerely worries that she's going to completely fall apart.

"Look, if this is about the audition-" Jesse begins, in hopes of distracting her but Chloe sits up suddenly and looks at him with wide eyes, so he falls silent.

Chloe shakes her head and wipes at her face once more. "They never thought I was talented, that's not what it was about." She mumbles, straightening her twisted shirt. "It was never about that at all."

She doesn't say anything more but at least she's not crying at the moment, so Jesse figures he'd better not press the issue. He gets her a glass of water and then starts boiling some water for tea. Chloe takes the mug from him but doesn't move to drink it, staring down at the steam twisting out of the top.

Jesse gives Chloe her space for the rest of the afternoon. He goes to the farmer's market when he gets a text from Beca later telling him that she's not working a double and should be home before dinner. They don't have a ton of extra money, but he figures they have enough to spring for something other than ramen noodles for dinner and it seems like Chloe could use a little pick me up. He buys stuff for shrimp scampi and a cheap bottle of wine and a small bouquet of freshly picked flowers for both the girls and when he gets back to the apartment, he finds Beca sitting on the couch next to Chloe, patting her head as the red-head launches into a fresh round of tears. Beca gives him a panicked look when he walks in like she's not entirely sure how to deal with this sort of situation but she doesn't make an effort to untangle herself from her friend, so Jesse figures Beca's making a little bit of progress.

Chloe doesn't say anything about the audition past the fact that she didn't get the part and she's pretty sure acting isn't for her. Jesse can't stop thinking about Chloe and how destroyed she looked and how unlike herself she still is, even days after the failed audition. He can't stop thinking about coming home one day and finding Beca like that, completely wrecked and stripped of her last bit of motivation and drive.

Two weeks later, Chloe tells them that she's decided to head to Charleston and stay with Aubrey for a little while and help her out with the dance studio while she figures out her next step. Beca looks disappointed but, as usual, does a good job of hiding any sort of emotion while she tells Chloe that she'll come visit both of them in Charleston as soon as she can. The apartment feels empty without Chloe bouncing around and cleaning all the time and in her place is the elephant in the room: the unspoken question of whether or not they'll eventually leave the city with their tails tucked between their legs, unable to keep their heads above water anymore.

Leaving L.A. has never been discussed or even brought up in passing but it's been on Jesse's mind more and more recently and he wonders if Beca ever thinks about it. She's still working on her music and sending out mixes but there's a hollowness to her now, like she's simply going through the motions and doing what she thinks she's supposed to do. In truth, the idea of leaving has crossed Beca's mind a few times, especially since Chloe has disappeared from her life once more. One afternoon she sincerely thought about going to Jesse and broaching the topic with him as she stood in front of their refrigerator, which was empty. Legitimately empty. It's not like they're starving or anything but Beca is a little embarrassed by their quality of life at the moment and she wonders if she's just a masochist, sticking around for the next rejection and the next person to tell her that she's not good enough. But then she thinks about leaving and honestly, where would they go? Nowhere else feels like home.

Beca applies for a barely-paid internship at one of the recording studios in the area and three days later gets a call from the assistant of the head honcho, who wants to set up an interview. Beca recreates her I-just-got-a-job victory dance and this time Jesse joins in, sweeping her into his arms and spinning her around. Beca laughs as she teases him for being such a weirdo. They're celebrating a bit prematurely but Beca doesn't care because she has a good feeling about this. It's her first interview, her first chance. She knows once she plays some of her mixes for this guy that all her hard work will finally pay off.

Beca has never had particularly spot-on instincts. Her interview doesn't go quite the way that she hopes. She brings along several different flash drives of mixes and Sterling Spencer, head of the studio, listens to a few of her tracks without comment. Beca isn't sure that she's ever felt as awkward as she does sitting there across from him, watching his face for some sort of reaction to what he's hearing. There's not even a nod or anything, no indication of how he feels.

After listening to a few tracks, Spencer gives her back the flash drive. "You've got some potential." He tells her, not unkindly. "But I'm just not sure that we need someone on our team who's so raw and unpolished."

His words tear at Beca's heart but she forces her face to remain impassive. "I have others." She offers, moving to reach into her bag for the many other flash drives she brought along.

But Spencer stops her. "Look, Beca, was it?" She nods on reflex. "Beca, like I said, I think you have a great sound. But it's just not what we're looking for right now. You just don't have that polish that we need."

Beca barely remembers to thank him as she stands up and leaves his office. She walks back to the apartment expecting the other people on the sidewalk to yield to her and if they don't, she pretty much elbows right past them without a second glance.

Jesse is at the apartment when she lets herself in and he pauses the movie that he's watching and looks at her with this big smile on her face. "Beca, how did-" She storms into the bedroom and slams the door so hard that she knocks over the plant that has barely been clinging to life over the past year.

Jesse feels his heart drop down to his chest. This sort of reaction can only mean one thing. He gets up and goes into the bedroom to find Beca curled up on the bed in a fetal position, her face blank as she stares at the wall. In some ways, this is worse than finding her a crying mess. At least then he could take her in his arms and wipe away her tears. How do you help someone so stoic?

Jesse goes around to her side of the bed, kneeling down so that he's eye level with her but she's still staring at the wall. "Beca...it's okay." He reaches out to brush a lock of hair behind her ear.

Beca pushes his hand away, her sudden movement surprising Jesse. She sits up, narrowing her eyes at him. "Don't. Don't do that." She tells him. "Don't be nice to me. It's not okay. I'm not okay. I've just been fooling myself." She shakes her head. Beca doesn't know if she wants to scream or cry or just breath a huge sigh of relief because she can finally stop trying. She can just rest.

Jesse looks at this girl, this person that he has loved more than anything in his life for the past five years and he can't see the Beca Mitchell that he's known since his first day at Barden. He sees someone empty, someone broken, someone who just lost everything she has and doesn't have the strength to get it back again. He sees Chloe sobbing on the couch. He realizes that this is the moment that he's told himself to look out for, the time when he would finally put his foot down and save them before they imploded.

"Maybe we…" Jesse takes a deep breath, getting to his feet. "Maybe we should leave. Go back to Atlanta, start over, do something else."

Beca just stares at him for a moment and Jesse can't decipher the expression on her face. But it's still scary. Finally she shakes her head. "Fuck you Jesse."

She gets up and goes into the bathroom, slamming the door shut once more. Jesse stares after her for a moment, surprised, before his shock starts to dissipate and is replaced by the stinging feeling of anger. "Excuse me?" He walks toward the bathroom and tries the door, finding it unlocked. Beca glares at him, annoyed at his intrusion into her refuge. "What the hell did I do?"

"You want to leave?" Beca questions, her voice deadly serious.

Jesse feels like they've come to a turning point in their relationship and the next words out of his mouth are going to determine the course for the rest of his life. Because this isn't the type of thing that he feels like they can come back from.

"We've been here over a year. We barely make enough money each month to pay our rent, let alone eat and it's just…it's not working." Jesse tells her. "This isn't working. We can't do this forever."

Beca curls her fingers into fists, digging her fingernails into the palms of her hands so hard that she knows she's going to leave behind marks. She doesn't care. "I didn't know that there was a time limit." She says curtly. "I thought we were going to stick it out until we finally made it."

"How long is that going to be, Beca?" Jesse questions. "How many times do you have to hear back that they're just not interested? How many jobs do I have to be turned down for? How long are we going to stick it out? Until we get evicted? Because this isn't easy. It's not easy for me and I know it's not easy for you."

"So you don't think I can do it?" Beca questions. "You don't think I have what it takes."

Jesse exhales and it sounds almost like a groan. "No, I did not say that. Don't put words into my mouth right now."

"That's what it sounds like to me." Beca snaps. She knows that she sounds like a bratty child ten seconds away from stamping her foot because she's not getting her way. But she doesn't care. Because this important. This is the rest of her life, this is what she's been working for since she was thirteen years old. "It sounds like you don't think that I can make it."

Jesse can't help but roll his eyes at her. "You're right Beca. You're always right. Don't you think I've learned that over the course of our relationship? You can be a huge pain in my ass sometimes. You're legitimately the most stubborn person that I know but don't ever try to tell me how I feel about you. Have I ever behaved like the type of person who didn't think you could make it? I followed you across the country, I've stuck it out with you, I haven't seen my family in over a year."

"Well, if you're so miserable then you should just leave." Beca fires back. "Leave."

"Stop putting words in my mouth!" Jesse can't keep himself from yelling. "I'm trying to help you! Do you think it's easy for me to stand around and watch this? This is killing you!"

"This is where I belong! This is where I want to be! I thought that was what you wanted too, but clearly I was wrong." Beca shakes her head. "I'm not going to force you to stay with me Jesse. I don't need you."

Jesse hates the way that her words cut straight through his chest. "You don't mean that."

Beca narrows her eyes. "Yes, I do. I can do with this without you." Her voice trembles slightly but not enough to betray the way that her heart is pounding in her chest, the way that she's already desperate to recall the words that now hang in the space between them.

Jesse opens his mouth to say something but he thinks better of it, shaking his head and turning away from her. "Fine." He leaves the bedroom, heading for the front door.

Beca follows after him. "Where are you going?"

Jesse doesn't answer, he just slams the door shut behind her. He's halfway down the hall and toward the stairwell before Beca falls to her knees in the living room and finally, for the first time in years, really allows herself to cry.

Jesse wants to punch something, he wants to kick something over and yell and just tear stuff up and create a physical destruction that resembles the way that he feels inside. Because he never thought that he would ever hear those words come out of Beca's mouth. He thought that deep down that Beca really did need him as much as he needed her; he'd made peace with her lack of expressing her feelings. But maybe he's just been fooling himself this entire time. Maybe loving Beca is more self-destructive than anything else.

He knows it's cliché but he goes into a bar and orders a drink and sits on one of the stools and glowers down at the sticky surface of the bar. No one bothers to try and talk to him or ask why he's in a bar in the middle of the day and Jesse figures that he doesn't exactly give off the vibe that he really wants to talk right now. He nurses his drink and replays his conversation with Beca over and over again, looking for a way to reinterpret the things that they said to each other.

His phone starts vibrating his pocket and Jesse pulls it out quickly, hoping to see her picture on his caller ID. But it's an unfamiliar number, not local so Jesse lets it go to voice mail. He feels a fresh wave of disappointment rush over him. I can do this without you. Those were her exact words. Jesse can't get them out of his head. But he also can't shake the image of her laying curled up on the bed either. He can't forget how she looked at him seconds before they started to tear into each other, the expression in her eyes that said I need you, please fix this.

Jesse finishes his drink and starts wondering if maybe he didn't overreact just a little bit. Maybe he picked a bad time to broach the subject of leaving L.A. After all, Beca was already down; he didn't have to kick her too. And he hates, more than anything, that she thinks that he doesn't believe in her. Because that's not what this is about and he wants her to know that.

His phone starts ringing again and it's that same unfamiliar number. Jesse hesitates a minute before answering, trying to figure out who would be calling him right now.

"Is this Jesse Swanson?" It's an unfamiliar female voice on the other line and if the number wasn't from the Atlanta area code, Jesse might get his hopes up about a potential job interview. "I'm sorry to just call you like this, I actually got your number from student services. My name is Shelia Mitchell, I'm Beca's…I'm married to Beca's father." There's a pause. "Beca Mitchell."

"Yes, yeah, hi." Jesse says as he slides off the stool, tossing a few dollars onto the bar. The knot he's had in his chest since his argument with Beca has only gotten worse. "What's…is everything okay?"

There's another, lengthier pause. "I tried calling Beca but she…she never answers any of our calls. Her father's, I mean. He calls her all the time and…" Shelia trails off, clearing her throat. "Anyway I…it's crucial that I speak to her now."

Jesse leaves the bar and stands for a moment on the sidewalk, blinking against the glare of the sun. "What's this about?" He's not sure why, but he feels protective of Beca, like this woman is going to somehow ruin the life that they have here. As if they hadn't already done that themselves.

"Her father is in the hospital." Shelia says without preamble. "He's suffered a massive heart attack and it's still touch and go at the moment. I know that he would really want her to be here. I think it would make a huge difference to him if she was here." Jesse starts to express his concern and sympathy for her husband's condition but Shelia just presses on. "We can pay for her ticket, I just…it's important that I get in touch with her."

Jesse starts walking back toward the apartment, suddenly desperate to see Beca. It's like all the anger he felt toward her is suddenly gone and he just wants to hold her and start over. He wants to have her hold onto him and know that she didn't mean what she said because he didn't mean any of it either.

"I'm not with her now, but I'll tell her to call you as soon as I see her again." Jesse assures Shelia. "I'm sorry."

"Make sure she calls." Shelia emphasizes, like she's not sure that she can trust Jesse to deliver the message. "Make sure she knows how serious his condition is."

Jesse assures her that he'll do as she's asked and hangs up with Shelia just as he reaches the apartment building. He walks up the flights of stairs to their apartment and his relieved to find the door unlocked, because he didn't think to grab his keys or anything when he stormed out.

Beca isn't in the living room and the bedroom door is slightly ajar, so he nudges it open cautiously. Beca's back is to him and she doesn't bother to acknowledge his presence. She's got her suitcase on the bed and is in the process of folding clothes into it and Jesse's so surprised by her actions that he questions, "Oh, so you talked to your step-mom?" even though it's an illogical conclusion.

Beca turns to face him, an expression of confusion on her face. "What? Talked to Shelia? No. Why?"

Jesse takes a deep breath and holds the phone out to her. "You need to call her."

Normally Beca would argue and drag her heels and just decline to do it in the end. But there's something in Jesse's face, something that tells her that Shelia isn't calling to try and convince her to partake in some girl bonding or to make up with her father. She takes Jesse's phone and locks herself in the bathroom to make the call.

Thirty minutes later, Beca's in a cab on her way to LAX and Jesse is standing in their empty apartment. She hardly said a single word to him as she finished throwing some stuff in a bag and got the rest of the things she needed for the trip and Jesse feels almost worse about things than he did when he stormed out the first time. He has no idea what she's thinking or feeling and not just about them; she didn't say anything about her father and her face was as expressionless as always. Jesse had tried to move closer to her, to pull her to him and offer some sort of comfort but she managed to sidestep his every attempt.

The apartment feels too big for the first time ever and Jesse's sure that he wasn't even this lonely when Beca left to go L.A. without him over a year ago. Every morning he woke up knowing that she was on the other side of the country and that just made the day seem to go by that much slower and three weeks seemed like an impossibly long time. He remembers the promise he'd made to himself when he pulled into the parking lot of that shitty motel that she'd been staying in; he'd sworn that they'd never be apart again if it could be helped. Everything they did from that moment on, they'd do together. Jesse wants that to still be true.

Jesse's eyes fall on Beca's equipment, which is still set up on its little table in the corner of their apartment. He knows that the old Beca, no matter how big of a hurry she was in, would never have left her stuff behind. She used to take her laptop with her everywhere, always seeking a moment of downtime when she could work on her music. Somehow seeing it here without her makes everything seem so much worse. Jesse takes out his phone and thinks about calling her or even just sending a text message, but in the end he decides against it, unsure of how to say everything that he needs to say to her. And, to be honest, he's not even sure there's anything left to say at all. Because it's not until Beca's gone that Jesse realizes that she was packing a bag before she even knew about her father and he never got the chance to ask her where she was going.

_____________________

The next few hours pass by in a blur. Beca feels like she's moving on autopilot when she arrives at LAX and collects the ticket that Shelia ordered for her and, more importantly, paid for. She figures that she can't blame her disorientation on jet lag alone when she lands at Hartsfield-Jackson and feels like she has no idea how to put one foot in front of the other. Everything is just happening too quickly and Beca wants to press the stop button and just take a deep breath. Her interview with Sterling Spencer feels like it happened to someone else and even her fight with Jesse seems like it happened years ago. And now, on top of everything, her father is in the hospital, possibly dying, and it's too much to compute.

Beca takes a taxi to Piedmont Hospital as per Shelia's instructions. She watches the scenery pass by the window without really registering what she's seeing. She thinks about the last time she saw her father and all the calls of his that she's sent to voicemail, all the messages that she deleted without even listening to. Beca still feels like she's a little in shock because she doesn't feel like she's quite registering the fact that her father could be dying and she hasn't said a single word to him in over a year.

When Beca arrives at the hospital, she rides the elevator up to the fifth floor and finds the room number that Shelia gave her over the phone. Shelia is sitting in a plastic chair next to Robert Mitchell's bedside, her hands clutching onto his.

Shelia stands up when she realizes that Beca is standing there. "I wasn't entirely sure that you were coming." She tells the younger girl candidly. "You've never exactly been dependable."

"Thanks Shelia, it's nice to see you too." Beca mutters. But she's honestly too exhausted to care about her step-monster's snark or even put up a fight. She puts down her suitcase and steps toward the bed, her eyes on her father. "How is he?"

"The doctors are still monitoring him very closely." Shelia tells her. "It's hard to say right now. It was a massive heart attack. All we can do now is wait."

Beca hesitates for a moment before reaching out and taking her father's other hand, running her thumb along the ridge of his knuckles. "Hi Dad." She says, feeling a little silly talking to the air but she would feel worse standing there just staring. "Here I am."

It's not like a movie, where the return of the prodigal child somehow fixes everything and all is forgiven. Her father remains as motionless as he did before her arrival and the only sound in the room is the reassuring beep of the machines, keeping everything working for the time being. But Beca still feels better being there, like she's finally managed to do something right.

__________________

Shelia falls asleep a few hours later and Beca is relieved to not have to make awkward conversation with her anymore. Her father is still quiet and motionless but Beca continues to hold onto his hand, feeling the weak beat of his heart against her skin. She remembers being little and seeking the comfort of her father anytime she had a nightmare or was worried by something that she had no control over. She would sit in his lap and lay her head against his chest, listening to the beating of his heart and convince herself that everything was okay as long as she could hear that steady thumping. Beca wonders when she stopped seeking that sort of comfort.

And then she realizes that she never really did stop. The only thing that usually makes her feel better when she's upset or anxious is laying with her head on Jesse's chest, listening to his heart beat against her ear as he plays with her hair and talks nonsense to her. Beca closes her eyes, suddenly feeling the sting of tears. All she wants is Jesse to hold her right now, to pull her against his chest and assure her that everything is going to be okay. With them, with her dad, with the world she can't control. Beca feels like there's more than just distance separating her from Jesse right now and she wishes that she'd at least looked at him before she walked out the door to get on a plane to come to Atlanta. Because the last clear image she has of Jesse is the way that he looked when she told him that she didn't need him. Beca has told a lot of lies in her life, but she's pretty sure that that's the biggest one to ever grace her lips. She prays that Jesse doesn't get fed up with her before she has the chance to set it all straight.

__________________________________________________

Robert Mitchell wakes up the following afternoon, weak and disoriented, unable to remember much about the morning of his heart attack. His confusion only deepens when he turns his head and sees Beca standing there, her expression tentative and her eyes watery. But then an expression of relief crosses his face and it's like all the pieces have finally clicked back into place. He reaches a shaky hand out to her. "Beca," his voice is raspy and weak, "my beautiful girl."

Beca goes to her father and takes his hand, resting her forehead against his shoulder. Her relationship with him has never been perfect, not since she was fourteen and he walked out the front door for the last time. But being at Barden had helped improve the tenuous connection between them and it's not until this very moment that she realizes how much she's missed even just talking to him over the past year. She thought it would be easier if she was the one who left this time, but now she realizes that wasn't the case.

For the rest of the day, Beca remains by her father's bedside, even when he drifts off to sleep for hours at a time. She brings him water when he needs it and is always there to harass the nurses into being more attentive. They don't talk much about anything of any consequence, not at first anyway; instead they just watch reality TV on the set affixed to the wall with Beca providing a running commentary about the stupidity of America and Robert offering a few comments of his own every now and then.

Later that night Robert insists they watch an old Bruce Willis movie that's playing on one of the channels and Beca remarks without thinking, "I've actually seen this movie. Jesse made me watch it with him." But thinking about Jesse is like a punch to the gut because they haven't even exchanged so much as a text since she's been here and she really worries that she's finally screwed up this too, finally pushed Jesse too far away for him to come back again.

Robert sees something on her face and gives her hand a light squeeze. "Did he come with you?" He questions gently and Beca just shakes her head. "Beca…is everything alright?"

Beca opens her mouth to assure him that everything is fine and he doesn't need to worry about her but the words freeze in her throat. There's a part of her that doesn't want to worry her hospital bound father but there's another part of her that still doesn't want to admit to him that she hasn't taken L.A. by storm and she's working as a waitress and getting rejected by pretty much every nightclub, radio station and record label in the city. She just shakes her head again. "No. Everything in pretty much in shambles honestly."

And then the words come pouring out like all she's been waiting for is for her daddy to make everything okay. She tells him about being unable to find a real job and struggling to make ends meet and about her meeting with Sterling Spencer and her fight with Jesse. "Maybe you were right," she mutters, staring down at her hands, "maybe this isn't what I need to be doing. Maybe I need a real job, something more stable." She's been trying to come to terms with this idea over the past twenty-four hours, trying to accept the fact that maybe Jesse was right, maybe there's a time to finally just grow up.

Robert gives her hand another squeeze. "Beca…I've thought about that night a lot. Those things I said…I…I think I was still being stubborn and I guess a part of me didn't want you to leave. I wanted to keep holding onto you, to make up for all those years that we…" He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "But if anyone can make it out there, if anyone has the talent and the determination, it's you. I'm so proud of you Beca, I'm proud of the woman that you've become. Sometimes things take time but I know that you can do this."

Beca feels her eyes fill with tears and she feels like she can't swallow around the lump in her throat. "Dad…"

"Are you happy?" Robert questions. "In L.A.?"

"Yes." Beca can answer that without hesitation because, last few days notwithstanding of course, she has been happy. Despite not having any money and having hardly no furniture and eating ramen noodles every night, she's been happy. Because she's has Jesse and that somehow makes up for everything that she doesn't have.

Robert smiles. "Then that's what you need to hold onto Beca. It seems like that's where you belong. I'm sorry I ever said anything to make you think otherwise."

It feels good to finally have her father's approval, even if she's no longer sure of herself.

_________________________________________

The hospital finally discharges Robert with a list of future appointments, foods to avoid and strict instructs to take it easy. Beca tries to join Shelia in fussing over him but after half a day of being smothered by two women, Robert tells his daughter rather forcefully that she needs to go back to L.A. "I'll be fine, Beca." He assures her. "Just try and stay in touch, okay?" That's a promise Beca can make.

Robert pays for her ticket and uses his frequent flier miles to upgrade her to first class and in spite of Beca's protests, gives her a little bit of cash to take back with her. "Are you really going to deny your sick father?" He questions when she first refuses to take the money. Beca wonders how long he's going to be able to play that card.

Beca stares at her phone as she waits to board her flight; it's just after eight in the morning in L.A. and she's sure that Jesse is still asleep. She can picture him sleeping on his back with one arm draped across his face, snoring softly. Beca wants to be there with him, she wants to be home. She just hopes that he's still willing to let her through the door.

________________________________________

The ringing of the phone wakes Jesse and he rolls over with a groan, fumbling around on the floor until his fingers brush the cell. He's a little annoyed that his day off is starting so early and he's not really in the mood to talk to anyone. But he answers anyway. "Hello."

There's a few beats of silence and Jesse can hear the hum of people and conversations on the other end of the line. "Um…hey." It's Beca. Even with all the background noise and the shaky, unfamiliar tone in her voice, Jesse can tell.

He sits up, suddenly feeling wide awake. "Bec." He says simply. It's a sentence in itself, a prayer, a thank you, a sigh of relief.

It's been almost four days since she walked out the front door and she hasn't called or sent him a text or anything, not even to let him know that she made it safely to Atlanta or that her dad was still alive or anything. It was complete radio silence. And yeah, Jesse knows that phones work both ways and he easily could have called her and he almost did, several times but he never quite managed to finish dialing her number. Jesse didn't want to crowd her but he also didn't want to hear over the phone that she wasn't coming back or that when she did get back to L.A., she was getting the rest of her stuff and leaving. He wanted to apologize, but he also wanted to hear her say the words first. He can be stubborn too when he puts his mind to it.

Jesse has never seen or heard Beca cry because even after five years she's still the master of her emotions. He's gotten better at reading between the things that she does say, but she can shut him out so efficiently that it's scary. But Jesse is pretty sure that she's on her way to crying right now.

"I'm…" Beca takes a deep breath. "I'm about to get on a flight. To come home. Could you…would you pick me up? At the airport?" Her words are wobbly, like she worries that he's going to hang up on her or leave her to find her own ride.

But Jesse just smiles. "Yes. Yes I will absolutely pick you up." He feels the tightness in his chest begin to loosen, feels himself start to relax for the first time in days. Because this is a start; this is Beca needing him. Just like he still needs her too.

Her flight gets in around one thirty local time and Jesse feels like it might as well be days. There's no way he's going back to sleep now and he busies himself with cleaning their small apartment, which really isn't that messy anyway. He gets a little bit of money together and decides to go to the farmers market and pick something special up for dinner. Maybe he's being a bit premature, but Jesse doesn't think that Beca called him to pick her up at the airport so they could have a break-up talk. He's feeling optimistic about the future of their relationship, even if the future looks uncertain in all other areas.

Jesse can't remember the last time that he actually got behind the wheel of his car to drive anywhere; probably when they moved into their apartment. They live close enough to just about everything to walk, so the car has been pretty neglected as of late. Jesse has thought about selling it a time or two but always comes up with a reason to keep the old beater around. He's glad that he doesn't have to figure out how he's going to get to the airport to retrieve his Beca; he can just get in the car and go.

Even though airport security discourages parking cars in the loading and unloading zone, Jesse can't keep himself from throwing the car in park and getting out to pull Beca into his arms when he sees her walk out of the terminal and into the bright L.A. sun. She puts her arms around him and presses her face against the side of his neck and they stay that way for a few seconds before the honking of horns and the complaints of the other drivers force them to separate.

They don't talk much during the drive back to the apartment but the silence between them isn't uncomfortable. Jesse can tell that Beca has something to say and he also knows there's no point in trying to drag it out of her until she's ready to talk. Beca feels like letting out a sigh of relief as soon as she steps through the front door of the apartment; it might not be much, but it feels like home and having Jesse standing there beside her makes it just about perfect.

Almost as soon as the door shuts behind them, Beca turns to face Jesse. "I'm sorry. I screwed up, I…everything I said was wrong. I was wrong Jesse. I can't do this without you. I don't want to."

"Beca-"

"I just…I felt like you didn't believe in me anymore. I always felt like as long as you thought I could do it, as long as you thought I had what it took then I could do it, I really could. And then I felt like you didn't and it just hurt." Beca presses on like she's delivering a monologue. "But maybe you're right. Maybe we should leave and start over somewhere. And if that's what you want, then that's what we should do because-"

"Beca." Jesse says a little more forcefully this time, holding up a hand to bring her to a stop. "I'll never stop believing in you. Ever." He tells her forcefully. "You can do this. And I'll be right there with you."

"But what about leaving?" Beca questions tentatively.

Jesse shakes his head. "I don't want to go anywhere without you." And really, where would he go?

"No, Jesse, no. I don't want you to stay just for me. I can't do that to you. We tried it my way and now-"

"We'll keep trying." Jesse interjects. "Until we make it. I really don't care where we are Beca or if we have to eat ramen noodles every night and if our couch used to belong to a drug dealer. None of that matters as long as we're together."

Normally Beca would make fun of him for being so unbelievably cheesy and Jesse braces himself from her teasing remarks but instead she just puts her arms around his shoulders, holding onto him for dear life. Jesse holds her against him and he wishes that it was socially acceptable to spend every minute with her because he would totally do it.

"I love you." Beca says softly, closing her eyes as she listens to the soft beating of his heart.

Jesse grins, glad that she can't see the idiotic smile on his face. "I love you too weirdo."


	4. Get Out the Old Flare Gun and Throw It to the Sky. Tonight You're Sleeping Next to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title for this section comes from the song "Stop the Bus" by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

In spite of the few bumps in the road, life continues on almost as it has before. They decide to splurge a little and use the money that Beca's dad gave her for food and fun stuff instead of bills. Beca also uses some of the money to take Jesse out to dinner and a movie for his birthday; even though it's nothing spectacular, he still tells her that it's the best birthday he's ever had. "That's what you said last year." Beca reminds him, laying her head against his shoulder as they lay together in bed.

"Well, last year I had an awesome birthday. This year I had an awesome birthday." Jesse shrugs. "I'm easy to please."

Beca makes the effort to call her father at least twice a week to check up on his health and his week and she even spends an arduous ten minutes making small talk with Shelia just so it's clear that she's "making an effort." They've also started trying to put a few extra dollars and coins into a jar on their kitchen counter labeled "Visiting the Parents Fund" so that Jesse can see his family sometime before he turns thirty.

Jesse continues to try and make connections and Beca continues to hound local studios and radio stations, determined not to let her meeting with Sterling Spencer impact how she feels about her music. "That's just one person's opinion." Jesse reminds her one night when she feels like throwing the equipment right out the window. "You're going to let one single person's opinion influence the rest of your life?" Beca figures that if she has to be influenced by a single opinion, it might as well be her own.

On one of the few days that they both have off, they make a plan to head down to Venice Beach and enjoy some free entertainment, but wake up to find the sky grey and pouring down rain. Still, they don't have to work and it's not like there's a shortage of movies around the house, much to Beca's exasperation. They started watching Inglourious Basterds but Beca fell asleep before Shoshanna even escaped the cellar and now Jesse is stretched out on the couch with her head in his lap, running his fingers absently through her hair as he continues to watch the movie and listen to the rain beating against the window. When his phone starts ringing, he considers ignoring it because he feels so comfortable that he really doesn't want to move and he really doesn't think he can fish the device out of his pocket without waking Beca up. But in the end he manages to twist around so that he can reach his back pocket while Beca snoozes on, unbothered by the movement.

"Is this Jesse Swanson?" The number and the voice on the other end of the line are unfamiliar. "This is Bradley Parker, I work over at Magnolia Film's music department. Your résumé ended up on my desk and I was wondering if you were still interested in coming in for an interview. We've got an internship opening up here and it's not much but I actually went to Barden U. myself back in the Stone Age so I thought I'd give you an interview."

Jesse can hardly believe what he's hearing. He almost asks the guy to repeat himself but he doesn't want to blow the interview before it even happens by giving off the impression that he's a total idiot. "Yeah. Yes, yes sir. Absolutely."

They set up the interview for later in the week and when Jesse hangs up the phone, he just stares down at the device in his hands. It seems hard to believe that finally, finally he's getting a shot. He wouldn't be surprised if he woke up and realized the whole thing was just a dream.

Beca lifts her head, blinking her eyes and looking disoriented. "What did I miss?" She mumbles, glancing toward the TV. "Did they kill the Nazis?"

"I got an interview." Jesse says, his voice hardly above a whisper, like he worries if he says the words too loud it's going to jinx everything.

Beca sits upright, her eyes wide. "What?"

A slow smile spreads across Jesse's face. "I have an interview. On Wednesday. With a movie studio."

Beca lets out a very Chloe-like squeal of delight and throws her arms around his shoulders. "Oh my God!" She's practically vibrating with excitement and Jesse feels his smile growing wider. "Oh my God! I can't believe it!"

And, honestly, neither can he.

Jesse goes to interview and feels like he and Bradley really connect and not just because they spend twenty minutes arguing about which John Hughes film is the best. Jesse's not sure he can work for someone who thinks Pretty in Pink is better than The Breakfast Club but if he actually gets the internship he'll do his best to get over it. But he tries not to get his hopes up or count his chickens before they hatch. He and Beca try and go on as though the interview never happened but there's an air of anticipation hanging in the apartment now and Jesse doesn't miss the way that Beca jumps every time his phone rings. The anticipation is nearly killing him but he's trying to be good at waiting.

Going on about life as normal includes spending hours standing around the video store, wondering if anyone was ever going to come inside and give him something to do other than contemplate putting the movies in different cases and then watching as his co-workers tried to figure out how to put everything back to normal. Not that Jesse would ever really do that. Unless that sixteen-year-old punk Bobby was working. He might do it just to mess with Bobby.

Jesse's phone rings as he's trying to convince his manager that they should ditch the kid friendly movies they show in the store for some David Fincher and his heart leaps in his chest when he sees Bradley's number on the caller ID. He turns away from his manager without offering an explanation and tries to sound nonchalant when he answers the phone.

"Hey Jesse, sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you." Bradley's tone is warm and easy, like he's chatting with an old friend. "I had to interview a few other people but I think that you're our guy. Like I said, I can only offer you an internship right now but if you play your cards right, there's no telling what might happen in the future. It seems like you'd be a really good fit for our department."

Jesse knows that he's grinning like an idiot and he honestly doesn't care. If he didn't think that Bradley would probably recant his offer, Jesse figures that he'd break into song right there in the middle of the video store.

"Thank you, thank you so much. I promise you won't regret it." Jesse gushes, wishing that there was someway that he could make Bradley really understand what's happening here. Because it's not just an internship; it's an opportunity, it's the chance to finally make money working in his chosen field, it's not having to eat ramen noodles every night. Maybe just every other night.

"Yeah, yeah kid. I'll see you Monday."

Jesse hangs up the phone and turns to face his manager. "I just got a job. Well, an internship. A paid internship. Holy shit." He just stares at the other man, still feeling a little bit stunned.

His manager gives him a clap on the back and a genuine smile. "Good for you Jesse." He says with a nod. "Now I don't feel so bad telling you we're going out of business."

Beca is standing in the kitchen eating a bowl of ramen noodles when Jesse comes running into the apartment and lifts her off her feet (not that that's too difficult to do, seeing as she's all of five feet) and knocks her bowl out of her hands. "I got the internship!" He spins her around, giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. "I can't believe it!"

Beca laughs and hugs him tighter when he sets her back on her feet again. "I knew you would get it." She kisses him. "I'm so proud of you." She kisses him again and then once more for good measure.

Jesse grins at her. "I have a good feeling Bec. About this, about your music, about all of it. Things are changing."

Beca really hopes that he's right.

________________________

While Jesse dedicates himself to his internship, Beca continues to slave away with her music. She's not sending out so many mixes or flash drives, concentrating instead on making music for herself, like she used to do when she was in high school and college, when it was more about her own enjoyment and less about who was going to hear her tracks and what job she was going to get. There's no denying the fact that it would definitely be amazing to get a job making music but Beca has come to accept and appreciate the fact that if she's not enjoying what she's doing then there's no point in doing it at all. Seeing how happy Jesse is, listening to him talk about his day, it's all made her realize that she wants to be that happy and she's never going to have that if her music is all about trying to make something that she thinks other people will want to hear. Beca finds that she enjoys sitting down at her computer a lot more after she comes to that conclusion.

Jesse has been working with Bradley for a little more than three months when he gets invited to a studio function and forces Beca to get all dressed up and tag along with him. "I think you'll have more fun without me." She protests when Jesse tells her that she can wear a fancy dress and curl her hair and wear heels. He's partly teasing her because he knows that she's not the type of girl to go crazy over the excuse to dress up but a part of him really wants to see her all dolled up so he can show her off. "You can talk about movies with all your work buddies and not have to worry about keeping me entertained."

Of course, in the end, Beca doesn't need much convincing to go with him. She wants to support him and if that means wearing heels for the first time since she left the Bellas, then she guesses she can do that. She puts on a slinky black dress and does in fact curl her hair and put on eye shadow and when Jesse sees her he lets out a low whistle. "You clean up nice Mitchell." He sings a few bars of Timberlake's "Suit and Tie" until she threatens to throw her shoe at him.

Jesse does, in fact, spend the majority of his time talking about movies with most of the partygoers but Beca doesn't mind because it's cute to see him so nerdy and in his element. She's hanging off to the sidelines as she watches her boyfriend rant about the genius of David Fincher's art direction when one of the other plus-ones comes to stand beside her. Beca tries to remember his name but can't really drudge up much other than the fact that he's the date of the woman who does a lot of set design work for the studio. He seems about as interested in the rousing film debate as Beca feels so they start talking about L.A. (he's a native and is interested in the views of an outsider) and the merits of modern day music. "So what is it that you do, Beca Mitchell?" The guy, who's name is apparently Hal, asks during a lull in the conversation.

"I want to make music." Beca tells him, tapping the sides of her now empty wine glass. She wants a refill but she doesn't want to walk away from the only person in the place not currently geeking out over movies.

"Oh, so you're a singer?" Hal arches an eyebrow. "I wouldn't have guessed that. Though they say everyone in L.A. either wants to sing or act so…"

Beca shakes her head. "No, I want to produce music." She clarifies. "I make a lot of my own tracks, working with different styles of music and stuff. That's what I like to do."

Hal looks impressed. "My brother manages 99.7, you ever listen to that station?" Beca shrugs. "They play a lot of different stuff, not just all that crappy pop Justin Bieber shit. I can give him some of your music if you want."

"Really?" Beca gives him a suspicious look. "Why? You just met me."

Hal just shrugs. "I was in your shoes once too, kid. Starting out, trying to make my mark. I might have been born here but I still had to fight my way to the top just like everyone else."

Beca agrees to send him some of her tracks and they exchange contact information and even though she thinks that it's thoughtful of this perfect stranger to take an interest in her budding career (or lack thereof), she tries not to get too excited about it. After all, Beca is sure things like this happen all the time. He doesn't owe her anything after all, so there's no guarantee that he'll even care about their conversation in the morning.

"Sorry I sort of left you on your own." Jesse apologizes as they walk back to their apartment sometime way after midnight. He's carrying Beca's heels in one hand and making sure to watch where he steps because apparently the consequence of dragging her to the party in heels and then deciding not to get a taxi back to the apartment is giving Beca his shoes and going barefoot through the Los Angeles streets. Not that he minds so much, because watching Beca trying to walk in his shoes is worth it. "I kept getting caught up in all these conversations."

Beca shrugs, slipping her hand into his free one. "It's okay. I started talking to this one guy; he said his brother worked for some local radio station or something and he said he'd pass along some of my stuff." She shrugs again, trying to make light of the situation. "I might e-mail him."

Jesse nods. "Yeah, Julie's husband, right?" Beca gives him a how the heck would I know look. "You should definitely e-mail him, it could be your big break." He smiles at her.

"I doubt he'll even remember me." Beca points out but she agrees to at least give it a shot anyway.

Three blocks away from their apartment Beca agrees to let Jesse have his shoes back if he carries her the rest of the way and she's not at all surprised when he agrees to give her a piggy-back ride back to their place because that's just the type of guy that Jesse is. She rests her head against his shoulder and closes her eyes, listening to the sounds of the still thrumming city all around them and thinks I love this, I love this city, I love you and a feeling of contentment sets into her very bones. It's easy to believe that everything will work out in moments like this one.

When they get back to their building, Jesse tries to set Beca down but she tightens her grip on him and makes a grumble of protest and he rolls his eyes but carries her up four flights of stairs. "Next time, you're carrying me home." He tells her as he manages to unlock the door without dropping her on the floor.

Jesse tries to drop her on the bed but Beca pulls him down with her and she kisses him as she slowly starts to undo the buttons on his shirt, sliding the fabric off his shoulders. Her lips taste like red wine with just a hint of the lip gloss she put on before they left earlier in the evening and Jesse never wants to stop kissing her. "I love you." He whispers against her lips as he reaches up to unzip the back of her dress.

"Ditto." Beca breathes, arching her back off the bed in order to make it easier for him to unzip her dress.

But Jesse pauses, pulling away slightly so that they're face to face. Beca makes a soft sound of disappointment. "Wait. Did you just willingly quote a line from a movie?" He questions. "This is monumental."

Beca groans and tries to pull him in for another kiss. "I thought we were in the middle of something." She protests, even though she knows that she brought this on herself by uttering that one stupid word. She should have known that Jesse never would have let it pass unnoticed and uncommented on.

"I need to remember this as the moment that Beca Mitchell finally embraced the awesomeness of movies."

"You are such a weirdo." Beca leans up and kisses him, sufficiently distracting him from his excitement over her discovering the joy of movies. Which, for the record, has not happened. She just happened to really like Ghost.

Jesse wakes her up the following morning whistling "Unchained Melody" and Beca hits him with her pillow and pulls the covers over her head in an effort to block him out. It works for a little while and then he wakes her up again in a different, far less annoying way and she can't bring herself to complain.

_________________________

Beca emails a few of her tracks to Hal and tries to put it out of her mind because she really doesn't expect anything to come of it. She continues to work the breakfast and lunch shifts at work so that she has evenings off to work on her music and spend time with Jesse. She gets put in charge of training the new girl at work; she's eighteen and from a small town in Iowa, fresh out of high school and determined to make her name as an actress. It makes Beca think about her conversation with Hal and how he pointed out that everyone in L.A. just wants to be someone else.

The new girl and her slightly annoying idealism remind Beca of Chloe and she starts e-mailing her old friend more actively. She finds out that Chloe is still living with Aubrey and helping run the dance studio and has been acting in a few local theatre productions. Chloe seems much happier than she was when she left L.A., which is a relief. Beca figures that there's a way to get exactly what you want regardless of where you are, as long as you have the right people with you.

Much to Beca's surprise, she gets a call from Hal's brother Scott, who wants to use her mixes to fill the eight to midnight time slot on the station. It's not exactly Beca's dream job, which still involves working in a studio and producing music, but it's still going to give her the opportunity to let people hear the tracks that she's been working on and she's finally, finally getting paid to do something with her music. "I told you that things were doing to start changing." Jesse remarks when Beca tells him about the radio station. "You did it Bec."

"We did it." Beca corrects. "I seem to remember hearing that someone else in this room is working his dream job."

Working for Barden's radio station made Beca pretty comfortable around a soundboard and she picks up the ropes pretty quickly when she starts at 99.7 and before too long she's allowed in the booth without any sort of supervision. There's always someone hanging around the station but for the most part Beca is by herself, listening to her music fill the corners of the studio. Knowing that there are other people out there listening to her tracks fills her with this odd feeling of gratification and Beca figures that there are worse things to be doing with her life.

She keeps working her waitressing job a few days a week just because if she didn't have something to fill her time with during the day while Jesse's at work she'd probably go crazy. Beca doesn't really like the fact that their schedules aren't aligned anymore but it's not like she's going to start complaining about the first real job that she's managed to get since moving to L.A. Yeah it sucks that Jesse is usually already asleep by the time she gets home but they've worked through this sort of thing before and she's confident they can get into a grove again.

Everything changes when Beca gets a phone call from Joy Benson, who is one of the studio heads for Ink Records, which is an independent label that has a reputation for ferreting out emerging talent. Apparently Beca's show is popular with the interns who work for the label and Joy happened to overhear one of her broadcasts one night and would it be possible to convince Beca to leave the station to come work for their production team? "I like your sound. It's edgy and fresh and raw. I think you'd fit in nicely with the rest of our team." Joy tells Beca, who can't help but think back to her interview with Sterling Spencer and how he made all those qualities sound like bad things. Clearly Jesse was right; everything is just a matter of opinion.

Beca finds working at Ink Records to be everything that she'd always imagined as a teenager when she dreamt about going to L.A. and working for a real studio. She gets to jump right in and start working with other producers and artists on various projects and Beca is glad there's no awkward "new girl" stage because she feels like she's waited long enough to really get involved in this sort of thing. The hours are better than what she was working at the station and so is the money, which isn't Beca's primary motivator of course but it's nice to have actual food in the cabinets and the refrigerator. Everyday Beca wakes up and just feels happy. She's in L.A., she's working on her music and she's got Jesse. It's better than the life she imagined for herself at eighteen when she accepted her diploma from her high school principal and envisioned herself getting the heck out of this town and going to the big city. It's funny how life has a way of working out like that.

_________________________________________________

Before they know it, the holiday season is upon them once more and streetlamps are wrapped in garland and store windows are panoramas of Christmas cheer before Halloween is even over. Even though Beca is generally opposed to holiday cheer of any kind, she does agree to go to their neighbors' Halloween party when she runs into Tess in the hallway one afternoon and, of course, drags Jesse along with her. She refuses to do a couples costume however, because she has to draw the line somewhere.

They celebrate their second Thanksgiving in their little apartment and once again they decline to try and cook a turkey because Jesse really doesn't want to have to make the fire department work on a holiday and Beca wants to take his comment offensively but she's pretty sure he has a point because it's not like she has a lot of experience with cooking. They order takeout again and spend the day enjoying one another's company. This year when Beca's father calls she doesn't decline his call and she even lets herself get roped into participating in Jesse's hour-long Skype with his parents, though she does find an excuse to leave when Jesse's mom starts bringing the family dogs up to the camera to say hello to Jesse.

Beca has never been one for cheesy traditions but she can't help but think about everything that she has to be thankful for that night as she tries to fall asleep next to an already snoring Jesse. She couldn't be happier with her job and their financial situation has definitely improved from where they were last year. And Jesse is getting the chance to work on scoring an actual honest to God film, under the careful direction of Bradley of course. But it's still a start and Beca can tell that he's never been happier either. She's never been the type of girl who dreamt about her Prince Charming when she was a little kid or who spent hours planning her wedding or factoring a boyfriend into her future plan for herself but Beca couldn't imagine her life in L.A. without Jesse and it's hard to want anything past what she already has. Beca realizes that, despite all the bumps in the road, she has a lot to be thankful for.

For Christmas that year, they decide to forego exchanging presents once again and instead take a road trip back to Atlanta so Jesse can see his parents and Beca can visit her Dad and Shelia. They decide not to tell his parents they're coming, though Jesse almost caves when his mom starts guilt tripping him again and seems incredibly disappointed that yet another Christmas is going to go by with him on the other side of the country. Beca mentions the trip to her dad just in case he and Shelia have some sort of Christmas tradition that doesn't involve his wayward daughter but both Robert and Shelia sound genuinely happy at the idea of having her and Jesse stay with them for a few days. "This will be our first Christmas together since you were fourteen." Robert remarks after Beca tells him the news and Beca feels a little stab of guilt. She's not perfect, not by a long shot, but she's definitely making an effort to improve and that has to count for something.

Beca should have guessed that taking a road-trip with Jesse would be a lot like doing anything else with him: dorky, a bit annoying and a lot of fun. He's the type of guy who insists that they have to honk the horn whenever they cross over a state line and he's full of so-called fun facts about different movies that were filmed in each state and insists that they have to check out "national landmarks" like a state park full of albino squirrels or a nuclear fallout shelter. Beca finally puts her foot down and decides that the only time they're going to stop is to eat, sleep and go to the bathroom. "There's always the drive back." Jesse points out and Beca groans.

When they get to Jesse's house, his parents go ballistic, like it's the Second Coming or something happening in their front yard. Beca would find it a little terrifying if she didn't find it so adorable. Jesse's mom is crying and there are dogs jumping around everywhere and Jesse looks pretty happy himself and she feels like it's worth the epic cross-country drive and all the landmarks.

Beca has never been to Jesse's childhood home before and doesn't waste any time poking around in his old bedroom, which has remained largely unchanged since he left for college. There are movie posters all over the walls and books about film stuffed into the shelves and a few "you gave it your best shot" type medals and trophies on top of the book cases. Jesse shrugs and puts one of the trophies in a drawer, a slightly sheepish look on his face. "I wasn't exactly the athletic type as a kid."

Jesse's bed isn't big enough for both of them to sleep in without one of them undoubtedly knocking the other onto the floor at some point in the night so Jesse's mom suggests they take the pull-out couch in the living room. Beca figures this is his mom's way of saying "I know that you two are living in sin together but hopefully you'll refrain from having sex in our living room." Janet and Christopher Swanson are exactly the type of people Beca would have expected them to be after knowing Jesse for the past six years. It's easy to see how these two people raised someone like him. They make Beca feel right at home and Janet has no shortage of embarrassing childhood memories or recipes to share with her.

"I like your family." Beca remarks after the house has gone to bed for the night. The pull-out couch isn't exactly the most comfortable mattress in the world but she figures she can make do for a few days, though she has the feeling that she's going to have trouble adjusting to the sounds of silence after becoming so used to the constant noise of the city outside the window.

The white lights from the Christmas tree make the living room shine, bathing Jesse's face in a warm glow as he smiles at her. "They like you too." He brushes a lock of hair off her check, tucking it behind her ear. "Thank you."

"For what?" Beca questions, snuggling closer to him.

"For this, for coming with me to visit my parents, for making all of this work." Jesse tells her. "I've missed being here."

"I know." Beca kisses his cheek. "I'm sorry."

Jesse kisses her softly. "You know I wouldn't trade anything, right? That crappy apartment, the city, that's home." He kisses her again. "With you."

Beca can't keep a grin from stretching across her face. "You're such a sweet talker." She teases. But she doesn't mind.

"I watch a lot of movies, I've picked up a few tricks." Jesse tells her.

They spend the next three days with Jesse's family and Beca can't complain about the fact that someone else is taking care of things for a change. It's nice not to have to cook dinner (even though she offers to help Janet with every meal and often ropes Jesse into helping her with cleanup duty) or worry about anything aside from whether they should go to the Botanical Garden's Christmas light show or drive to Lake Lanier. Beca's never been a holiday person, but after spending Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with Jesse and his family, she understands how some people can be.

The day after Christmas, they drive to Beca's dad's house and even though Jesse has run into Robert on a few occasions, it's the first official time that he's been over to his house and Beca can tell that Jesse is trying to make a good impression, even though he doesn't need to bother. Beca knows that her father loves Jesse because he's been taking care of her in the big, bad city, even though she feels like she's been doing a decent job of taking care of herself.

Robert and Shelia take them out to dinner and put them up in a guest room that feels bigger than their entire apartment back in L.A. Jesse feels a little bit like he's staying in a hotel and he's definitely not going to complain. The only disappointing thing is the lack of Beca anywhere in the house; aside from a few high school pictures, there's not a lot of proof that she exists at all. "We should visit your mom." Jesse remarks. "I've never met her and I want to hear embarrassing stories about you."

"There aren't any." Beca tells him frankly. "I was the perfect child."

Jesse rolls his eyes at her. "Nice try. Seriously, we should go visit so I can pump her for information."

"Well unless you want to know what my favorite color was when I was ten I don't think she's going to be very useful." Beca tells him. "You know way more about me than she ever will." There's a bitterness to her tone that she wishes she could get rid of but it's not like Jesse doesn't already know that things aren't ideal between them.

Jesse puts his arms around her waist and pulls her to him, kissing the side of her neck. "Good. I like having the monopoly on your secrets." Beca relaxes against him, instantly feeling better. He's the only one who can do that to her. "So what was ten-year-old Beca's favorite color?"

"Pink." Beca shrugs. "I wasn't always so original."

They stay with Beca's parents for two days before getting back in the car once again and driving to Charleston. When Chloe found out about their holiday plans, she begged and cajoled until Beca agreed to extend their route to include Charleston for a day trip. Aubrey seems genuinely happy to see Beca and listens intently while Beca talks about L.A. and how things are going in the City of Angels. Chloe and Aubrey's apartment is pretty much exactly how Beca would have expected: feminine and extremely tidy, with everything coordinated right down to the plates in the kitchen cabinets. Aubrey cooks dinner and Chloe handles the dessert and Beca can tell that they both seem sincerely happy and content in the life they've chosen. It's good to see Chloe finally in her niche and Aubrey finally happy and relaxed. Beca and Jesse's plans to get a hotel room are tossed aside after a few glasses of wine and Beca makes herself comfortable on the couch while Jesse makes a pallet on the floor beside her. They wake up in the morning to the smell of Chloe making waffles and fresh-squeezed orange juice, which is a pretty heavenly combination.

They aren't due back at their respective jobs until after the first of the year, so they don't face the same time crunch that they did when they left L.A. Jesse still insists that they stop at a few roadside attractions, in spite of Beca's protests. She eventually learns to just shut up and let Jesse have his fun and just tease him about the amount of souvenirs that he's accumulating later on.

On New Year's Eve they get a hotel room in Kansas and plan on doing nothing more exciting than ordering room service and watching the ball drop on TV. If they can even stay awake that long.

Jesse lounges around on the bed, channel surfing, while Beca showers off a day's worth of travel. He turns the volume on the TV so he can listen to her sing Janis Joplin to herself and he's almost positive that this is what perfect feels like.

They order way too much food and a bottle of champagne and Beca is pretty sure that she's not going to make it to midnight. She's already feeling a little bit drunk and laying with her head on Jesse's chest makes her want to close her eyes and sleep until it's the new year.

Beca eventually does fall asleep and Jesse decides to try and stick it out until midnight because he's always been a fan of ushering in the New Year, as cheesy as that sounds. At midnight he wakes Beca up by kissing her and returns the sleepy smile that she gives him. "Happy New Year."

"It's not the new year in L.A." Beca tells him, yawning. "We're finally ahead of the game."

"Do you have any New Year's resolutions?" Jesse questions as he clicks off the TV and the bedside lamp. He doesn't bother setting an alarm because tomorrow is a holiday after all and he feels like they've earned a little break from driving.

Beca thinks for a minute and Jesse can already imagine one of many snarky remarks she can offer up on the subject of resolutions. But she surprises him by answering, "I want to be as happy this time next year as I am right now."

Jesse smiles slowly in the darkness. "I think we can do that."

Beca has no doubt that they can.


	5. Epilogue: Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title for this section comes from the song "Blinding" By Florence + the Machine.

When Jesse comes home from work a little bit later than usual, it's not like he expects dinner to be waiting on him and the house to be perfectly put together. Because, let's be honest, Beca isn't really the honey I've got dinner ready how was your day type and he's fine with that. Mostly because he's more of the cook anyway and he likes messing around in the kitchen with her (and by that he means cooking, so get your minds out of the gutter). And he definitely doesn't expect the apartment to be in perfect order because they've been inhabiting their new, slightly larger and definitely more expensive place for less than a week and they're still pretty much living out of boxes.

But Jesse doesn't expect to come home from work and find Beca laying on the middle of the living room floor surrounded by boxes and bubble wrap with a defeated look on her face. She grunts to acknowledge his arrival and Jesse can't keep the smile off his face as he tosses his keys onto the kitchen counter and comes to sit down beside her. "Everything okay here?" He questions, picking a sheet of bubble wrap off her face.

"This is hopeless." Beca mumbles, rolling over so that her face is buried in the nice, new plush carpet. "We have too much stuff."

Jesse surveys the collection of cardboard boxes and the piles of DVDs and records and stacks of dishes that are on the floor instead of in the kitchen cabinets. "It's because we're wildly successful young professionals." Jesse informs her, even though that might be stretching the truth a bit. Sure, they've come a long way since their arrival in L.A. almost four years ago but it's not like they're running their respective companies or anything. Jesse is more than happy working with Bradley and the rest of the skilled team at Magnolia Studios and he knows that Beca is happy where she is as long as she gets to hang out in a studio all day.

"Can't we just keep everything in boxes?" Beca questions, her face still mashed into the carpet. "The boxes are labeled. We can still find things."

"That might get tedious after a while." Jesse points out. "You found a place for the bookshelf." He points out helpfully.

Beca inches closer to him so that her head is now resting against his knee instead of on the floor. "No, that's just where the movers put it. And it can't stay there because it's blocking a vent." She informs him. "See? Hopeless."

Jesse cards his fingers through her hair even though he knows this is more likely to put her to sleep than motivate her to get up and unpack more boxes. "This weekend we should just work on unpacking. You, me, Chinese takeout, a bottle of wine and an apartment that isn't overrun by boxes."

Beca sits up and smiles, leaning forward to kiss him. "I like that." She says against his lips. "I also like you unpacking and me giving you helpful hints on where to put things while drinking wine."

"Ha, nice try Mitchell." Jesse informs her frankly. "I let you get away with claiming that you had the flu when we had to move out of a old place." And yeah, he knew the entire time that she wasn't sick. But he's always been a sucker for her and he's not afraid to admit it.

Wrinkling her nose, Beca utters one of the worst fake coughs Jesse's ever heard in his life. "I'm still sick." She fake coughs again, giving him her best pitiful look. "See. Sick."

Jesse shrugs. "Then I guess you should probably be in bed." He gets to his feet and scoops her up in his arms abruptly, smiling at the surprised sound that she makes. He carries her toward the bedroom and drops her unceremoniously onto the mattress.

"That's not how you're supposed to treat your sick girlfriend." Beca informs him while trying not to laugh. "You're a horrible boyfriend."

Jesse arches an eyebrow. "Oh really? Okay, well, I'll keep that in mind when you're trying to weasel your way out of unpacking the apartment." He flops onto the bed beside her, resting his head in her lap. "I like our new place." He says with a hum of contentment as she begins running her fingers through his hair. He shivers pleasantly as her nails brush against his skin.

"Even if it's full of boxes?" Beca questions. "Even if we don't know where anything is?"

"Even then." Jesse assures her. "I like living with you. Even if you call me a horrible boyfriend."

Beca rolls her eyes good-naturedly. "Well, you're not always a horrible boyfriend." She concedes. "Sometimes you're a good boyfriend. Like when you unpack the apartment."

Jesse raises his eyebrows without opening his eyes. He feels too comfortable to do much moving at the moment. "I don't remember agreeing to that." He says thoughtfully.

"That doesn't surprise me." Beca remarks. "I doubt there's much room for everything in your brain with all the movies that you watch."

Later that night when Beca is sleeping soundly curled against his side, Jesse thinks about how he'd gladly live in this apartment with all it's unpacked boxes and disorganization as long as he was living here with Beca. He learned back when they'd first arrived in the city that any place could be a home as long as he had her with him and they might have better paying jobs now and more furniture but that doesn't make him feel at home. Listening to Beca breathe in the darkness as the city continues to buzz outside the window, that makes him feel at home. And he wouldn't trade it for anything.

________________________

They do indeed spend the weekend unpacking boxes and arranging and rearranging furniture. Or, rather, Jesse rearranges the furniture while Beca provides him with direction. They have a TV and an actual entertainment center now, which Jesse fills with his impressive collection of movies and Beca makes the built-in bookshelves home to her records. Beca hangs up their collection of photographs while Jesse puts away their dishes and she can't help but study each of the pictures before she hangs them up. There are a few from Jesse's childhood and a half dozen of Beca with various members of the Bellas. Most of the pictures are from their time in L.A., snapped by strangers or friends at various tourist-designed attractions or parties. Beca steps back to study the wall commemorating things that she never thought would be important to her and she smiles to herself. She'd always thought she'd run away to L.A. all by herself and her music and career would be more than enough to keep her happy and she'd never have to worry about being let down or left behind by someone else. She didn't know at the time that all she had to do was find someone who would run away with her, someone who would never let her down or leave her behind. Beca knows that things with Jesse haven't always been perfect (mostly because of her, she can admit it) but he's not the type to just give up one day and leave her out in the cold. He's not like her father. And being with Jesse, imperfections and all, is far better than being alone.

"That doesn't look like unpacking." Jesse calls from the kitchen, startling Beca out of her reverie.

"I'm putting up pictures. See." Beca gestures toward the wall. "Didn't know you were the unpacking police."

Jesse gives her a look. "Pretty sure that's not a real thing." He says in all seriousness and Beca sticks her tongue out at him. He leaves the kitchen and comes to stand behind her, putting his arms around her waist, studying the pictures on the wall. "Now it's starting to feel like home."

______________________________

Beca wakes up late on Monday morning and she's glad that they spent the weekend unpacking and actually hanging up stuff in the closet because it takes her a lot less time to find clothes to wear to work. She grabs her boots in one hand, slipping in a pair of earrings with the other and Jesse is pretty impressed by her multitasking ability. He watches her hop on one foot as she pulls on her shoes while he brushes his teeth. "Can I take the car today?" She questions in the middle of her balancing act. Normally they both walk to work because their respective jobs are close enough to their new apartment to make driving pointless but she doesn't want to waste any more time.

"I think the keys are in the drawer by the refrigerator." Jesse tells her, rinsing his mouth out.

"Thank you." Beca grabs her purse off the bed and hurries out of the bedroom, twisting her hair into a messy ponytail. "Let's order from that Thai place for dinner." She says absently as she rummages around in the junk drawer for the keys. How they've managed to fill the drawer with this much stuff not even twenty-four hours after unpacking all the boxes is beyond her. She finally finds the keys and clutches them in her hand victoriously. "See you tonight!" Beca calls out before slamming the door shut behind her.

"Love you!" Jesse says to an empty apartment, shaking his head slightly at her one-woman-hurricane act. He makes the bed and puts her PJs in the hamper before heading to the studio. They're supposed to be scoring some new horror movie that's supposed to be all meta and art-house but it seems like any regular old horror movie to Jesse and repeated viewings of the movie don't seem to be doing much to change his impression. But still: a job's a job and Jesse's not going to turn down the chance to be involved in scoring a movie, even if it's a really shitty one.

Bradley is saying something about bringing violins in during one particular scene and Jesse is nodding even though he's thinking about what he wants to eat for lunch. His phone starts ringing and Bradley gives him a look that makes Jesse feel chastised but it doesn't stop him from pulling out his phone and fumbling to switch it to silent. "I'm sorry." He looks at the number on the screen, which is local and unfamiliar and he gets a strange feeling. "I should…I'm sorry, let me just take this real quick." Bradley gives him another look but gestures toward the door.

Jesse steps into the hallway and manages to answer before the call goes to voicemail. "Hello?"

"Is this Jesse Swanson?" A prim-voiced woman questions and Jesse can hear the hum of conversation all around her. When he confirms that he is, in fact, Jesse Swanson, she continues, "My name is Rachel from Memorial Hospital. I'm calling because you're listed as Rebeca Mitchell's emergency contact and she's recently been admitted as a patient."

Jesse is pretty sure that he's never felt like this in his entire life. It's like being punched in the gut and run over by a truck all at once while being aware of every horrible thing that's happening to you. It feels painful to even breathe and he can't think about anything except for Beca. He can barely remind himself to communicate with the woman on the other end of the line. "Oh my God. What happened? Is she alright?"

"Unfortunately I can't discuss the specifics of the situation since you're not an immediate family member or her husband." The woman informs him in a clipped and overly professional tone. "The doctor might be able to provide you with more information when you arrive."

Jesse doesn't bother to try and pump the woman for more information. She sounds sincerely unhelpful and he knows it would just be a waste of time. He hangs up the phone and fumbles with the door handle, finally figuring out how to make it work and stepping into the studio. "I…I need to…" His brain still isn't working, he's just thinking about Beca. His Beca. In the hospital. He needs to be there. "Beca's in the hospital." He tells Bradley. "There's been an accident." He might not have this exact information but why else would someone be in the hospital?

Bradley's previous stern expression vanishes immediately and he gives Jesse an understanding nod. "Yeah, go, absolutely. Did you drive here today? You should probably take a cab or something." Jesse doesn't exactly look like he can put one foot in front of the other, let alone remember how to operate a motor vehicle.

Jesse takes his advice and hails a cab, not that he has much of a choice seeing as the hospital isn't exactly in walking distance. But he would run there if he had to. Throughout the drive Jesse stares out the window, unable to stop his mind from running wild. He can't keep from imagining the worst case scenarios and he's really hoping that the woman on the phone would have been considerate enough to at least give him some sort of warning if things were really bad. Right? She would definitely have said something if it was really serious. That does little to reassure his wandering mind. He can't help but go to the worst possible scenario, that small possibility that he's never going to see his Beca again. He replays their morning over and over in his head; it had all seemed so perfectly normal. He hadn't even kissed her goodbye. Jesse feels like the drive takes an unbearably long time and he's pretty sure that he's aged ten years in the time it takes to get from the studio to the hospital.

After five minutes of waiting Jesse is finally directed to the fifth floor, which thankfully doesn't have an intimidating name like trauma ward or ICU. Jesse is fully prepared to strangle the first nurse who won't tell him where to find Beca but thankfully while he's in the middle of trying to explain to the woman behind the desk that he needs to find his girlfriend like right now he's intercepted by a doctor with sharp features and kind eyes.

"Rebeca Mitchell is my patient." She tells Jesse with what he chooses to read as a reassuring smile. "She was in a car accident. She has a fractured ankle and some head trauma, but we don't believe it's anything more serious than a concussion. Of course we need to keep her for observation."

All Jesse really hears is confirmation that Beca isn't dead somewhere or facing some sort of life threatening injury. He feels like he can finally breathe again, though his heart is still racing. "Can I see her?" He hates that it comes out like a tentative question, because it's really not a request at all. Jesse is going to find her even if he has to search every room on every floor and evade security while doing so.

The doctor looks indecisive. "We really try to restrict visitors to spouses and immediate family so soon after admittance." She tells him apologetically. "I'm not even sure she's conscious at the moment."

"I'm her boyfriend." Jesse tells her, feeling for the first time in eight years that that's not good enough. "I'm the only one…her family is back in Georgia."

For a moment, Jesse thinks that this lady isn't going to let him see Beca and he really is going to have to evade security to find her but the doctor finally nods. "I suppose we can make an exception." She says with a hint of a smile. "There are some forms that need to be filled out anyway."

The doctor explains the aforementioned forms to Jesse as they head down the hall toward Beca's room and Jesse really hopes these papers come with directions because he's really not listening to a thing this woman is saying. He just wants to see Beca. He needs to see with his own eyes that she's in one piece and then he can start concentrating on something else. Or he can at least try.

Beca's the only patient in room 505 and for a minute Jesse isn't even sure that he's in the right place. He wants to tell the doctor that there's been some mistake, that this isn't the right Beca Mitchell because she looks so small and vulnerable laying there on the hospital bed and he's never seen his Beca so still and quiet before. She's got a bandage on the left side of her face, above her temple and there are several bruises already beginning to form on her face and neck and there's a splint around her ankle but here she is, in one piece, a little banged up but alive. All those worst case scenarios he just spent too much time imagining disappear and Jesse exhales slowly, saying a silent prayer to whatever might be listening.

Jesse pulls a chair up to her bedside and gently takes her hand in his, kissing her knuckles softly. "Hey Bec." His voice is thick and he almost doesn't get the words out. "I'm here, okay? I'm here." If she was awake, Jesse knows that she'd tease him for being so stressed out and emotional but she's not and that's somehow worse than any of her snarky comments.

Jesse sends a quick text to Bradley assuring him that Beca isn't dead and he'll be in touch as soon as he has more information and then he gives Beca his entire focus. Even if she's not aware that she has it.

Jesse's not even sure how much time has passed since his arrival at the hospital; he's been dozing off and on, lulled by the beeping machines and activity going on outside the door. When Beca's fingers lightly try to curl around his, Jesse feels wide awake and he leans forward, his eyes searching her face for any other signs that she's finally regaining consciousness. Her eyes flutter and open and Jesse breathes a sigh of relief. "Hey Bec." He says softly once more.

Beca's brow knits in an expression of confusion and she turns her head to face him, wincing slightly. "What the hell?" She croaks, her voice hoarse. Jesse pulls his hand away from hers long enough to get her some water from the pitcher on her bedside table, lifting the cup to her lips. "What happened?"

"You don't remember?" Jesse questions, slipping his hand around hers once more. "The doctor said you were in a car accident."

Beca makes a face, trying to put the pieces together. "Oh. I…I went to get lunch for everyone in the studio." She recalls. "Normally we just order in but Joy thought it would be faster since I had the car." A stricken expression crosses her face. "Your car. Jesse, I'm so sorry."

Jesse can't help but laugh. "I don't care about the car Beca. Thank God you're okay." He shakes his head. "I thought…I didn't know what was wrong at first and they wouldn't tell me anything because we weren't married and I didn't know what had happened and I'm just glad that you're okay." He leans forward to kiss her cheek gently. "Don't ever do that to me again."

Beca tries to smile but groans instead because the stiffness and bruising of her face does not make facial expressions easy. "Ugh this sucks." She mumbles, reaching up with her free hand to lightly touch the bandage on the side of her head. She winces. She has a vague memory of being knocked into the window, but most of the events are still hazy. "When can I go home?"

Jesse gives her hand a light squeeze. "I think they want to keep you over night. The doctor thinks that you might have a concussion."

"I hate hospitals." Beca mumbles. Even though her father is perfectly healthy now, she can't help but think about the time she had to leave L.A. to fly back to Atlanta after his heart attack. But she's pretty sure that her initial dislike of hospitals comes from visiting her favorite grandmother when she was ten shortly before the woman died. "I don't want to stay." If she's whining a little bit well…she feels like she's entitled.

"It'll be okay." Jesse assures her. "I'll stay with you and it won't be so bad." Of course Jesse already knows, given the amount of trouble he had just getting in here in the first place, that convincing the doctors to let him stay overnight is going to be no easy task. But he doesn't think it's necessary to tell her all of that.

Beca's doctor seems pleased to find Beca awake and coherent and doesn't seem surprised that her memory is faulty when it comes to the events leading up to and directly following the accident. "That's not uncommon in these types of situations." She assures her. She also gives her the run-down on her other injuries, which mostly consist of a few bumps and bruises in addition to the fractured ankle and doesn't sugarcoat the fact that Beca is going to be pretty sore for the next few days. "We will need to keep you overnight for observation, which is standard in instances when there's a head injury." The doctor doesn't seem swayed by Beca's pouty expression. "If everything checks out, we can probably release you in the morning."

Since they're in the middle of regular visiting hours, no one bugs Jesse about clearing out and he hopes that he can sort of just blend into the scenery and the doctors and nurses will just forget that he's there. The pain medicine that Beca's currently on leaves her drowsy and a little bit loopy and Jesse does most of the talking, even though he knows she's not really paying attention to him. Beca will interject an irrelevant and often disjointed statement every so often (I ate the last of the cereal the other day and I forgot to put it on the grocery list and I'm really sorry) and Jesse can't help but smile. It's a little bit like being around drunk Beca, who has less of a problem letting go of her inhibitions than sober Beca.

It's early evening when a police officer stops by and tries to ask Beca a few questions about the accident, mostly to no avail. The officer does a far better job than Beca of actually piecing together the events of the accident, which was caused by the other driver, who ran a stop sign and T-boned Jesse's now useless car. Jesse tries to force the mental picture he gets out of his head because Beca is fine, a little banged up but fine and he doesn't need to torture himself by imagining the accident or thinking about what might have happened.

Shortly after the officer leaves, a nurse brings Beca a tray of hospital food but she's only interested in eating the pudding and Jesse picks at the rest of the food halfheartedly even though he hasn't eaten since the protein bar he had on his way to work. Beca has just dozed off again when the doctor stops by for another check-up and to inform Jesse that unfortunately visiting hours are over and he's going to have to come back in the morning. "She's sleeping now anyway," the doctor interrupts kindly when Jesse starts to protest, "you should go home and get some rest as well. You can bring her some clothes and things from home so she doesn't have to wear what she was wearing at the time of the accident. Come back first thing in the morning."

The apartment is unfamiliar without Beca there; it suddenly lacks the personal and homey feel, even with their pictures on the wall and clothes in the closet. Jesse doesn't sleep well, waking up every so often, confused as to why the bed next to him is empty. He finally gives up trying to sleep sometime around five thirty and he showers and picks out clothes for Beca (sweats and his old Barden sweatshirt) and heads to the hospital. He hopes that the doctor was serious when she said 'first thing in the morning' because he's a little early for visiting hours but he hopes that they'll let him up anyway.

The doctor doesn't seem surprised to see him so bright and early and does indeed give permission for Jesse to be let into Beca's room. Beca is still asleep and Jesse honestly doesn't mean to fall back asleep but as soon as he resumes his previous position beside her bed, he drifts off, his hand still lightly holding onto hers.

"Did you stay here all night?" Beca questions when they both wake up some time later. She still feels a little foggy-headed and yep, definitely sore. She needs more of those painkillers the doctor had her on the day before.

"No, I went to visit my other girlfriend." Jesse tells her. "She sends her best wishes by the way."

Beca rolls her eyes at him. "Like you could find another girl who would put up with you."

Jesse smirks. "You're right, where would I ever find someone else who treats me like you do baby?"

After another MRI scan, the doctor feels confident enough to release Beca into Jesse's care; she provides him with no shortage of forms and pamphlets about administering her medication and signs to look out for that might indicate that Beca needs to return to the emergency room. The splint is replaced with one of the boots that makes walking both embarrassing and unfairly difficult and Beca feels too uncoordinated due to her pain medicine to figure out how to work the crutches and eventually consents to letting herself to be pushed to the entrance in a wheelchair.

Jesse is glad that they moved into a place that actually has a working elevator because he's not sure how he would have gotten Beca up the four flights of stairs at their old place. He helps her into bed and helps her get comfortable, propping her up with pillows and putting one underneath her leg. "I can do it myself." Beca protests, even though she doesn't mind the attention all that much. "You don't have to take care of me."

"Sure I do." Jesse tells her. "You're my number one girlfriend."

"Dork." Beca says but, as always, it sounds like a term of endearment instead of an insult.

They spend the majority of the day in bed, napping on and off and occasionally watching TV, though Beca usually can't take more than thirty minutes at a time before she starts complaining about her brain rotting. They play Uno and Speed and the few other card games that they know and Jesse reads out loud from the novel that Beca had been trying to find time to read for the last few days. Jesse orders dinner from Beca's favorite Thai place and makes sure that she's comfortable and not in any pain and that they're following the doctor's orders down to the letter. "Thank you for taking care of me." Beca says sleepily as she starts to drift off with her head resting against his chest. "I love you."

Jesse kisses her forehead. "I love you too." He says softly, slipping his arm carefully around her waist.

The following morning Beca wakes up stir crazy. Jesse's not surprised, given the fact that he's never known her to just sit still and do nothing all day; to be honest, he's more surprised that she consented to stay in bed all day yesterday. He wakes up to the sounds of her cursing loudly as she knocks over her crutches and the glass of water on the nightstand and the day doesn't improve much from there. He spends the majority of his time trying to wrangle her back into bed, which isn't too hard given the fact that she's currently crippled and winces every time she moves. Which Jesse feels like is perfect evidence as to why she needs to be in bed, even if Beca refuses to see it that way.

Beca's boredom is eased marginally when Joy and some of her other work colleagues stop by to pay her a visit and bring her some new demo tracks to listen to. "I feel terrible." Joy confesses when she sees Beca's current state. "I never should have suggested that you go pick up the food. I feel like this is my fault." She tells Beca to take as much time off as she needs to because she's sure they can work out a way for her to work from home but Beca doesn't look like she likes the idea of taking any more time off. Though Jesse is fully prepared to enforce the doctor's orders.

Jesse manages to create a little work station in bed for Beca; he buys one of those breakfast in bed trays that she can put her soundboard on and brings her laptop and record player out of the living room. "I can sit at my desk." Beca protests. "I'm not an invalid."

"You need to relax." Jesse argues. "You were in a car accident. You should just be resting."

Beca rolls her eyes at him. "I'm fine." She insists. "Jesus, I'm not going to break. I don't know why you have to keep babying me."

"Because I care about you!" Jesse snaps. "You're already broken! Look at you Beca! Things could have been much worse! You could have died." He loses steam with that last word, almost as though he's unwilling to give life to that little voice in his head that keeps reminding him how different things could have turned out.

"But I didn't." Beca says softly and when he comes to sit down beside her she puts her arms around his shoulders and he presses his face into the side of her neck and closes his eyes. "I'm okay. It's okay." She kisses his cheek softly. She doesn't mind that the boot on her foot makes her current position uncomfortable or that Jesse is holding her so tight that her sore muscles are starting to ache. She just wants to stay like this, wrapped up and safe.

________________________________________

Bradley gives him the rest of the week off and Jesse's pretty sure that he'll never be able to explain to his boss how much he appreciates the flexibility. He's pretty sure that if he wasn't around to keep an eye on her, Beca would figure out some way to get herself to the recording studio and probably fracture another bone in the process. Even though Jesse can tell that Beca is still suffering from cabin fever, she's doing a better job of allowing herself to be confined to the bedroom and is trying to embrace the bedridden life style.

They're both lounging on the bed enjoying a companionable silence as Jesse brushes up on the latest news in Hollywood and Beca works at trying to fill out the various forms that she needs to send off to her insurance company and the ones that she needs to bring to her doctor on Monday. She prays that this guy is going to declare her good as new so that she can get on with her life because she has the feeling that Jesse isn't going to take anyone's opinion into consideration unless that person is a trained medical professional. Beca's pretty sure she can't take another week of being sedentary.

Groaning, Beca scrubs a hand across her face, tossing down her pen in defeat. "This sucks." She mumbles. "Why are there so many forms to fill out?" All the forms essentially want to know the same thing anyway; she doesn't understand why she can't just make a copy to send one simple sheet to everyone who needs to know about her current pathetic state.

Jesse looks up from his laptop. "At least you have plenty of time to fill them out, seeing as you're not supposed to be exerting yourself."

Beca rolls her eyes. "Yes, Dr. Swanson." She mutters. "I'm going to die of boredom."

"No you won't. You have all those exciting forms to fill out." Jesse says cheerfully. "Do you want me to help you?"

Sighing, Beca shakes her head. "No. I wouldn't wish this on anyone."

Jesse picks up one of the forms that Beca got halfway through filling out and then tossed aside in the hopes that the next form on the pile was more interesting. It wasn't. "They wouldn't let me fill out anything other than your admitting paperwork. Because we weren't married." He's watching her out of the corner of his eye, but she doesn't seem to notice. "They almost didn't let me see you at all. Because of the whole marriage thing." Beca makes a noncommittal noise as she continues to study yet another form. "Maybe we should get married."

Beca turns to look at him, a surprised expression on her face. Jesse tries to read her, his heart thudding in his chest. Beca's brow furrows slightly. "What?"

Jesse shrugs. "Yeah, I mean, it would make things easier if something happened again. Not that I want something to happen or anything but -"

"You want to get married." Beca interrupts before Jesse can continue to fumble his way through his explanation. "In case one of us ends up in the hospital again."

"I…" Jesse is still trying to read the expression on her face but as always it is frighteningly difficult to decipher. "Well…or…we could just forget that I said anything at all. Take the marriage thing off the table." He makes a sweeping gesture with his hand. "Clean slate."

Beca looks at him for a minute longer before moving the pile of papers off her lap and trying to ease herself out of bed, which has become quite the task given the boot and the sheer pain of moving. She reaches for her crutches, which are infuriatingly just out of reach.

"Where are you going?" Jesse questions, getting up and starting to walk over to her side of the bed so he doesn't have to watch her struggle any longer.

"I just want to go to the living room. Jesus." Beca snaps, letting out a sigh of exasperation. Jesse reaches for her crutches but she shoots him a glare. "I can do it."

Beca manages to grab one of the crutches but when she tries to stand up she's still a little off balance and the bed sheet gets tangled around her good ankle and she falls to the ground with an embarrassing lack of grace, knocking the lamp off the bedside table as well.

Jesse hurries over to help but up but Beca just shoves him back, taking him by complete surprise. The only thing that surprises him more is the fact that Beca has tears in her eyes when she glares at him. He can count the number of times he's seen her cry on one hand and he doesn't even need to use all his fingers. "Go away."

"Beca, what's the matter?" Jesse questions, trying to trace back their conversation to figure out when her affable mood disappeared and she was replaced with the snarly monster Beca he hasn't seen in a while. It's not that hard to figure out. "Look, I'm an idiot, okay? I was just thinking out loud about the whole marriage thing and-"

Beca scoffs, shaking her head. "Oh yeah, because that makes everything better. Every girl wants to hear that talking about getting married was a mistake after her boyfriend of over eight years brings up getting married for the first time because it would be the practical thing to do." She's mad at herself for getting so worked up and she's mad at herself for suddenly becoming the type of person who gets upset about these kinds of things. For being the type of person who has started to think about marriage at all. She keeps her head down so he can't see the expression on her face.

For a minute Jesse just stares at her, absorbing her words. He can't stop himself from laughing, which does not make Beca feel any better. "Is that what you're upset about?" He questions, a slow smile spreading across his face.

Beca doesn't answer; she already feels like an idiot, she doesn't need Jesse's comments adding to it. Jesse gets up suddenly and walks over to their shared walk-in closet, only to return seconds later and sit down across from her once more. "Beca…I…" Instead of trying to find a way to possibly explain everything running through his head, he just shows her the small velvet box that he retrieved from it's hiding place in the closet.

Beca's eyes go wide and she stares first at the box and then up at Jesse. He looks uncharacteristically nervous and she can't help but find it adorable. She recognizes the ring in the box from the last trip they took to Jesse's parents' when his mom started pulling out the old family photo albums that predated Jesse's entrance into the world by several decades. "Your grandmother's ring." She states dumbly because she can't really think of anything else to say. Honestly, she blames Jesse's mom and the aforementioned ring for the reason that she's become the type of girl who thinks about marriage at all; she'd always been perfectly happy with the way that things were with Jesse, she'd never stopped to think about weddings or marriage or any of that until Janet had started talking about how the ring has been passed down through generations and wedding traditions and yadda yadda.

"Yeah. My mom gave it to me last time we were there." Jesse shrugs, looking progressively more nervous. Beca doesn't bother to comment on the fact that the last time they were there was over the Christmas holiday and summer has been in full swing for the past several weeks. "I guess I just…I wasn't…" He takes a deep breath, trying to focus the thoughts swarming around in his head. "What I'm trying to say is that I've spent a lot of time thinking about marrying you. Like, a lot. But I never wanted to say…I always worried about scaring you off." He gives her a sort of apologetic smile. "But I do want to marry you, Beca, trust me. But I honestly don't care if we never get married as long as I have you…I just don't want you to think that I would ever consider marrying you a mistake."

Beca continues to stare at him for a minute before she abruptly starts to cry and when Jesse tries to lean in to hug her, she gives him another shove. "You can't do this to me. I'm on medication." She wipes at her cheeks.

"That's okay. I won't tell people that the thought of marrying me made you so happy that you couldn't stop crying." Jesse teases.

Beca rolls her eyes. "Oh yeah, that's it. You keep telling yourself that buddy."

"There's the old Beca. Charming as ever." Jesse smiles slightly. He reaches out and takes her hand, twining their fingers together. "So, what do you think? Want to be legally stuck with me?"

Beca arches an eyebrow. "Really? That's the best you got? After all of those cheesy movies, your dorky self can't come up with a better proposal than that?"

Jesse smirks at her. "Okay, if that's how you want it." He clears his throat and straightens his posture. "Rebeca Mitchell-"

"Okay, never mind. It's already too cheesy." Beca laughs, covering his mouth with her hand. "Dork."

Jesse kisses her palm lightly before taking her hand in his and giving her a tentative smile. "So, is that a yes?"

Beca figures that the way she leans in to kiss him is answer enough.

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"Will you stop looking at me? It's starting to freak me out." Beca mumbles without opening her eyes. After having lived with Jesse for the past several years, she's gotten good at figuring out exactly what he's up to without even looking at him.

Jesse smiles at her, slipping his arm around her waist and snuggling against her. "I can't help it." He tells her, kissing her cheek. "You're so beautiful."

Beca scoffs, finally opening her eyes to look at him. "You're a lying liar Jesse Swanson. I know how I look in the mornings." She remarks. "But you're just going to have to deal with it because this bed is so comfortable that I never want to get out."

While Jesse does have to agree that the king-sized bed in the suite of their fancy hotel room is very comfortable, that's not the number one reason that he's okay with staying put for the next few days. It is his honeymoon after all, so who could blame him. "You are beautiful Beca Swanson." He tells her. He likes the way his last name sounds paired with her first and judging by the little smile that turns up the corners of Beca's lips she doesn't mind so much either. "Do you want to get dressed? Do a little sight-seeing?" He asks this in a way that lets her know his views on the subject.

Beca makes a face. "No. I don't want to leave this bed." She grabs one of the fluffy feather pillows and cuddles it against her chest. "We should just stay here. Order room service. Which you're going to have to get because I'm seriously never leaving this bed."

Jesse arches an eyebrow. "So you're not going back to L.A.?" Beca makes a noise of disagreement. "So we have to move again? We've barely been in our apartment for a year and a half." Beca shrugs. "Fine, but you're doing all the heavy lifting."

"Worst husband ever." Beca mutters, her face still pressed against the pillow. "I want a divorce."

"Oh yeah right." Jesse gives her a playful shove. "Too late. You're legally stuck with me. Remember that wedding we just had? My mom couldn't stop crying, Chloe almost punched my cousin in order to catch the bouquet, remember all that?"

Beca hitches a shoulder in a sort of half shrug. "Oh, was that what all that was about? I was just there for the open bar."

They do indeed stay in bed all day and neither of them feel like complaining. They finally order food in the early afternoon, though they decide to stick with breakfast foods in spite of the later hour. Beca feels like she's entitled to eat pancakes at two in the afternoon if she wants. It's her honeymoon after all.

The following morning Beca wakes before Jesse and takes a shower, putting on one of the ridiculously fluffy and soft hotel bathrobes. She's definitely taking this home with her, no question. Jesse is still asleep and she briefly considers waking him but he looks so cute and oh God, she's become one of those creepy people. At least no one will ever have to know.

Beca picks up the glossy silver bag that Shelia gave her right before she and Jesse left the reception; Shelia had been organizing the gifts all night, doing a decent job at playing mother of the bride since Beca's own mother couldn't make it. Not that she's surprised. Not that she cares. Her relationship with her father and even Shelia has improved dramatically over the past few years and she has her friends and she has Jesse so who says that you can't pick your family? Part of Shelia's organization efforts included putting all the cards into the aforementioned bag and agreeing to keep all the presents until Jesse and Beca returned from their honeymoon. As much as Beca loves presents, she really didn't want to be responsible for having to keep track of everything. The cards are much more manageable.

Beca sifts through the cards; most of them are from Jesse's family members, people who's names she doesn't recognize and will probably never remember. She finally finds the one from Chloe and Aubrey and opens the envelope, sliding the card out. Honestly she's a little afraid to open the gift that they brought, given Chloe's lack of personal boundaries but she's hoping the card won't be so bad.

Aubrey has taken up the entire left side of the card, rhapsodizing on love and marriage and Beca wouldn't expect any less out of her. Chloe's response is short, sweet and to the point, not that she'd expect any less from the red-head either. See, some things are inevitable.

Beca honestly hasn't thought about that whole conversation in years, but now she remembers it as clearly as if it had just happened yesterday. On the way home from aca-initiation night, Chloe had drunkenly teased her about her inability to shake Jesse, who acted even more like a puppy dog when he was intoxicated. Chloe had seemed to find Jesse's confidence about their impending happy ending a lot more endearing than Beca did. "What if he's right?" Chloe had asked. "What if you guys are meant to be and fall in love and get married." It had all seemed so ridiculous to Beca at the time. But the word he'd used kept running through her mind on loop: inevitable.

Beca smiles to herself and puts the card back in the envelope. She slips into bed, snuggling against him and he curls himself around her in his sleep. Maybe, she thinks, inevitable isn't so bad after all.

Fin


End file.
